they're all just bored.

The first day of this year felt all too much like the scene of a movie directly following a title card that states "One year earlier." I wake up in a loving woman's bed, with a sickness straight out of the Dark Ages. It's one of those movies where things start in a weird and mostly horrible situation, and they can only get better.

But do you remember that scene before "one year earlier?" That "hook?" That scene was so over dramatic. And what a cheap way to grab my attention. And why was there so much blood?

But it worked. And it's going to be back in about 90 minutes. The classic rise and fall story.

Since that first day of 09 and the end of that illness, I've felt electric. The blood pumping through my veins feels...well...fuck the metaphor here, The blood is just pumping and it's not bothering me, it feels simply, good. The pain of the last couple of years in a strictly physical sense, is easing it seems.
After getting Scarlet Fever...I fell under the impression that I really truly couldn't get much lower and I must now go up.

I never do this...but I literally prayed for this to be case, on my knees in the middle of the night. I don't know how much faith I have left in prayer or it's supposed "power," but I have yet to abandon God. If I'm still congenial with more than half of my high school friends I haven't seen in years, I figure I can still claim someone who may or may not exist as a friend. (I'm now positive there is someone with the account "God" on facebook) (what a dick)

This "feeling good" mentally and physically had become an imaginary state of being. Like a superpower. Over the past year specifically I've seen enough doctors for so much bullshit, if one told me to start bathing in a secret ooze, I would draw up a radioactive bath in a flash, and start loofahing down.

Granted not everything is suddenly at 100%. There is work to be done still. More steps to take. But the mental element is allowing me to overcome the ailments. It's feeling easier. The weight of the day is feeling lighter. I'm stronger, faster...all that bullshit.

The things about me I like the best are feeling strong, and unweighted. (I totally told a Dr. I just met that I fucked a whole mess of kids, and relished their lack of amusement, plus I haven't had a cigarette in 09, so breathing is good)

So I'm going to ride it as long as I can, knowing this time next year will inevitably be a different story. But at this moment I'm looking straight up and nothing looks all that far away. It's relative. It's close.

This may be my year...
Hopefully I leave the theater before it comes back to that climactic opening scene. And I can have a few years.

But just in case I don't, I'm going to start listening to more Biggie Smalls, and prepare to die.



...and just to say it. I like exactly 0.0 Beyonce Knowles songs.