changes (in the house of tupac)

weird how everything can suddenly alter as it has in the past week or so. Kind of like putting on blue lens glasses, and leaving them on for awhile. Everything seems weird, but its all really the same and you are just annoyed by them.
The weather is with me. Although its done this change stuff before, i have not in a couple of seasons. The sun moves furthur away from the earth, and that must be a lonely feeling after hanging out for a summer. So we all grow cold.
i must be as amiable as possible, and its easy with the heavy weight of melancholy on my back. Yet killing someone has never seemed so easy, only if it were the nice thing to do though. Like, if i go deaf, or lose all my eyes....please shoot me....i wont mind.
But change is good right? not really, unless you change everyday...then not changing is a change........im confusing myself, and thats why language is overrated.
blah blah.
Everything new is already dead today, even this homework.

Deftones in excess is probably bad for everyone. But its aiding me in feeling emotion at all...which is something I usually don't have. I feel as though im becoming part of the monotonous robot party, and i have to stop that shit at all costs.
my future looks like a mysterious silhouette, but with beautifully backlit shoulders....now would be a great time for me to be in an aggro rock band in 1997...i could really have shown them all.

maybe a few meatphysical quotes to go in line with my post so far:
push back to square, now that you need her...but you dont. Because back in school, we are the leaders of all.
i could float here forever...




you're still my passenger

a boy to raise at a young age, no help from him, but she's alive.

im moderately sad right now. i can do that right?

single mothers make me sad....Really mothers in general. I cant imagine what being a woman with a child is like. "Baking" it for nine months, then watching it grow until you die. Its a miracle, i guess....but it has to be painful in many strange ways that are probably beyond me now. Im sure there are joyous moments in parenting, otherwise people wouldn't do it right?
What strange animals we are....chosen by god to rule, its crazy, ya?
ever wonder what it would be like if our bodies didn't mature, we just got exponentially bigger? Sex would be freakish.
but anyways, I think "love" is based on investment, and our willingness to defend things weve invested in. Like...initial attraction to something is crucial...and then you invest in it....whether it be with money, time, a kidney, sperm....well maybe not sperm....its kind of easily disposable in a lot of cases
after that i think im willing to defend it to the death....unless the thing changes drastically or you change drastically...or something comes along with a similar attraction that seems better....but you wont stop defending the first thing.
Like....say i hear a song. I purchase the album which has the song on it.....im more likely, because i bought it, to defend it's quality....because ive already spent 15 bucks on it, so i must defend my purchase.
Maybe this is just how i operate.


im one of those people who wants to be put in situation in which i can die for others, i guess because i have invested 20 years in living with people of the world. But im not the kind of person that wants to not make fun of you when you trip while walking....or when you cry.

norah jones has a sexy singing voice, but i think im going deaf.

is god being a gentleman, and backing out of our lives, as we have requested?


::questions whether i should have written anything at all::

waiting for noon

maybe you dont know this about me, but i rarely ever eat a meal before 12. I think its my little way of fasting in the morning, so that i feel i have control over food and my human urge to eat. Its a healthy habit in my opinion. So fuck you and your yankee blue jeans.
School, just now, seems to be getting started in my head. I may have said i was busy prior to this week, but i was just bullshitting all of you. ha. Probably still am, what do i know, im just a doctor. I think i need to take more than 12 hours next semester....definitely.
I purchased yet another hiphop album, the new hieroglyphics album, "full circle"...i didn't go to their show last week, so i felt i owed them the money...im a good fan/comrad. (is that how you spell that?...its a bad reference to communism anyway). But Anyways, it is pretty "dope," much more straighforward hiphop than say the outkast album, less concentration on being different, and more so on being fun and tearing up the tracks with 'killer' rhymes. There are a bunch of them (members) that contribute to create a great mix of styles, so the album never really slumps, it seems to always be on the level. Whether or not you like the level, is entirely up to you. As compared to the other stuff by hiero, there are a few songs with really cool beats, and crispier production. They seems to be obsessed with sampling orchestrated music. I think. Its not my favorite in the world, but if you like them....idunno
whatev...
School of ROck is a really good movie. I think, if it was PG, it would have more of a chance of infiltrating young minds trapped in a pop world and actually bringing back the rocknroll spirit that it plays tribute to, in a new generation. I wish i was 10 and got to watch this movie. It would have been a crap load coolerer.
Kill Bill comes out friday....but i am working the Shrine Circus all weekend long.......so i doubt ill have time to see it with you.
SOrry to keep on with movies (its kinda my life) but I also watched, for the first time ever, a Spike Lee movie...called "do the right thing"...........i think it was the right thing to watch it. Its a movie about race issues, basically....but with a terrrribly ambiguous ending, that leaves a white person like myself a little queasy....but i think thats exactly what spike lee wants to do. i think i walked away with a general feeling that violence is not good, and that spike lee is a NY film school student....i think.

Also...i went to that wedding in dallas i may have mentioned before...and i partied like a rockstar....for the first time ever. And i have determined i was born to dance.

oh shit......its noon.

shake it like a polaroid picture

I feel sorry for people who are already washed up at my age. I shouldn't feel sorry for anyone, but i do. I only say this because I saw the ugly girl that works at albertsons with her two children, one in a stroller....stuck in the grass on riverside, on my way home from school. She seemed terribly frustrated with them. I couldn't help but think, "stop fucking assholes in high school." But i guess that would have been not only moot, but assuming she is unhappy and out of wedlock.....which may not be true at all. But it sucks that for some reason, whilst in highschool, certain people felt like retirement was around the corner and became habitually experimental...i guess. But who am i to judge....
Yesterday i learned some of the origins of white/rock music versus rap muzik from this cool book called "black noise." Often times you will hear fans of one type hating on the other.....but the differences lie within simple history (aside from "color"). African music is based on repetition, while western european music is based on progression. And that is that.....so if you hate one or the other, its because you prefer progression over repetition or vice versa. So the argument has ended.
I think i prefer a mix of the two, a good mix.
Editing went well this past weekend, soon the beast will be tamed. Now i must start on buliding sound clips for my audio soundscape project.



also.....i suck, and need only death for my crimes against myself.....but the weather is so fantastically spectacular it's not bothering me. But no one has promised another day.