apparently im normal

it's science....

i met st. anger

today i woke up and went into my new internship at Resolute Productions, a local production company concentrating in commercials and music videos. I'm just starting to learn the ropes there and figure out all my tasks and the nuances of the routine there, and Im feeling productive.
My boss, the guy who heads up a lot of the business management aspects of the company named Victor orders a pizza, things seem cool. Even Emily Giustini's older sister is there for some reason, apparently she is now a producer in town.

The pizza guy calls....he is lost and Victor went out. So the exectutive producer has to answer the phone. He is a quiet and extremely unfunny/serious individual. He has really weird hair...its black with several strands of grey, and mostly out of control. He doesn't dress well, as ive found most heads of production companies dont, because they dont have to impress anyone that works for them, and the people that are paying the company money i think feel less intimidated by poorly dressed creative types....but thats just an idea. Anyways...the pizza guy calls like twice, and apparently is being "ugly" to him, and after a little bit of posturing, he starts to chew this pizza guy out a little...not in the standard annoying customer kind of way (because he really didnt have anything to do with the pizza in the first place), but in this way which is difficult to describe...my first notion is to say the obvious "bossy"...but it wasn't just bossy....it was "the world revolves around my word..." but i think it was even worse...."i am GOD...deliver my pizza, even though i dont want the pizza." Yes...i was impressed by this.....

So eventually the pizza guy comes...he really is rather disagreeable, and never looks me in the eye, which i have become a big fan of recently. He is paid and sent on his way. I finish up a few tasks as i am about to leave anyway, and I get two slices of pizza, and check email.

Suddenly...the Exec. producer guy, who by the way is located upstairs in the office space (i can hear him but never see him), gets another phone call. He answers in a standard voice, seemingly unphased by the phone call where I thought he was going to literally rape the pizza guy through the line. He talks briefly to another a producer of a low budget video being shot in town about money and a standard operating procedure by which "all" companies work by. The man on the other end of the phone did not appreciate hearing about this standard procedure apparently, that his compliance was necessary for, nor did he like the Executive producers tone.............so he says it, "I don't like your tone"

From this point....its a bit of an audible blur....

This executive producer man gets angrier than ive seen anyone in my entire life. His voice volume goes up to like 33Db, and he uses the word fuck like it is supposed to be used. He literally explodes upstairs for about 15 minutes straight.

his chorus went something like this "WHERE DO YOU FUCKING GET OFF FUCKING TELLING ME YOU DONT LIKE MY FUCKING TONE...WE ARE FUCKING SPENDING OUR FUCKING MONEY ON THIS FUCKING SHIT AND I HAVEN'T SEEN A FUCKING DIME FROM YOU GUYS. IM USING 3000 DOLLARS OF OUR FUCKING MONEY, AND THATS FUCKING BULLSHIT. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? YOU THINK I NEED YOU AND THIS SHIT. I DONT. THIS FUCKING VIDEO IS OFF...YOU WRITE ME CHECK NOW MOTHERFUCKER"

Things were being thrown around, although i have no idea what, except for a cup with liquid in it....I think...

I sat and continued to eat my pizza in awe........and then after it was done. I got up, looked at Victor, and said "i will definitely be back on wednesday."


I dont ever want to work there for money....but i definitely want to be that mad about something one day...

truly lost

maybe not truly...but mostly today.

As days go by laying about in unemployment and mild depression, I'm conjuring up the energy to explicate on this safe standby - my ol' blog.
I'm broke.
I've never been this broke before atleast not with such a sour attitude about it. Its hard not to when your peers live in such a stark contrast. Someone lied to me along this line of choices I've made. I assume that person is myself, but I would like to blame others. Why was no one there to stop me with this? How did I fool everyone and myself into believing I was cut out for this shit, and that I could make it in this industry...this city...this life out here. Whats more disturbing is that im saying this now, but in less time than you think, I will be back on my own bullshit bandwagon. "I can do it...just a few more months..." I'll say..."your break is coming" "you dont need to go back to school."

I'm already doing it.....

Dreams of making it big...moving to LA...traveling to New York...buying things I don't need....eating name-brand apple jacks.....................it all keeps me hungry I guess.

It's just hard to turn this hunger into motivation that churns out product. Working for nothing....i can do it...i can't do it on my own. An example would be the quarter of the way written scripts I have.....The lack of any produced idea I've had since graduating. Maybe that isn't entirely true...(what are blogs for if not a place to beat yourself up)

I think maybe its been tough due to not knowing what to do exactly...except everything. "Hey"..."I can do that." I can work radio promotions, i can cut outdoorsman sport videos, i can produce that music video, i can make television, i can write that script, i can record those voices, i can make that dvd, i can do that photo retouching, i can animate your website, i can act, i can get on stage and be funny, i can bring you lunch, i can take your order, i can drive that pizza.....'taint no thing sir. I'll do it all. Fuck it. I think wanting to do this all had led me to believe I would make a great producer, if I was slightly better with people, which I may be eventually with some more experience (which I have to earn with no pay)

I hope this all makes me a better person.....I hear its supposed to....I hear everyone in hollywood has something to talk about because everyone there has been through an inordinate amount of BS to get where they are. I look forward to that day, sitting over an overpriced decaf explaining the night in the hood i spent watching camera equipment in the dark for 4 hours for no money in the cold, cleaning out 20 year old abandon buildings in mexico full of spiders bigger than my hands, getting lunch orders wrong for famous documentarians and watching these humanitarians flip out about a gyro, or actually working for American Idol.

Until then I'll be here...at this computer jockeying tunes, biding my time, looking at funny casual encounters ads on craigslist, masturbating....waiting for the next job to apply to.


eventually everyone has to pay............me.
so lost.




ps. go steelers

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filmology

alright...a list from me.

duh. movies.


10. june bug - this sort of snook up on me. I saw it out of the blue. And in that first moment of seeing the oddly lit forrest with a oh-so-modern title on top of it, i immediately hated it....and the whole movie had to work against that hate for the rest of the entire film....but it never quit and somehow won me over totally. I love the "going back to your roots" subgenre....and this one put a definite twist on it. I Also loved the artwork. I have a friend in new york who does similar work oddly enough. Also this red headed girl is really awesome as a dense southern pregnant girl. Very good stuff.


9. A History of Violence - A movie that I watched despite disliking everything about the trailer. Drama isn't usually my thing. But the genius of the director really draws you in. I didn't particularly think Viggo Mortenson was all that great....but he plays the chracter properly enough....I really like the woman in the film, i forget her name. And again...great direction....you can just read it. Scorsese and shit.

8. Sky High - Pure fun. Kurt Russell is tight. Its got a lot of kids in the hall people in it. And everyone is a superhero....i promise you this will be better than X3.

7. The aristocrats - A documentary what? Didn't know what this movie was about when i watched this. Boy was I ecstatic to find its a movie about grotesque language.....or "a joke." I laughed really really hard at a couple of the stories...and I dont think I laughed quite that hard all year long.......in a theater atleast. Plus Doug Stanhope....Bob Sagat....George Carlin.......yeah....

6. Elizabethtown - I really like the style of cameron crowe....probably more than I know. I think Almost Famous has a lot more influence on me than I originally thought. Music driven film...i love it. Again...a movie about "going home to your roots." A lot of moments that ring really true with me. And a better soundtrack than garden state....mos def.

5. Sin City - Fucking awesome. pushing the boundaries of film. the characters are really cool. Guns and chicks...thats all you need. the new dvd with the recuts broken down into pieces make it so much fun to watch.

4. 40 yr old virgin - steve carrell gets to be the number one guy...yeah! Paul Rudd gets to be in another all out comedy...and he is great again....hope to see more. Very intelligent script...in that slapstick sort of way. Im starting to be able to tell that comedy writers exist in my generation...and we find the exact same things funny. Also...this was a terrible Ferrell year....save "mom, wheres the meatloaf" and "springtime for hitler" and this movie didn't have him in it...which was cool i thought.

3. King Kong - Wow. Everyone I usually watch movies with didn't like it that much. And not one person i know didn't say "it was too long" except for my dad.....idunno what that means. But it is not so long that i would complain about it....on one viewing. On two viewings back to back....with little sleep...maybe it is a little long in the middle.....but whatever....its fucking so great. fuck you if you dont love it.

2. Batman Begins - Dood. I love batman more than any other comic book character. A lot of people do...but hey...he is the best one. Christopher Nolan did amazing with this shit. If you watch the making of docs on the dvd....you realize just how far filmmaking has come since 1989's Batman. I like this one better as an overall movie than all the burton ones...but the character work for the burton films are just a hair more interesting....but here....batman gets centerstage...which was just as enjoyable most of the time.

1. Hustle and Flow - Im sorry...but this movie "owns" as they say. Despite the main character being such a lowlife, you root for him..and even when he has to beat the shit out of a bitch...you understand! and thats why this movie and a lot of movies are great....Plus the themes of getting out of proverty by any means necessary really reflect my life as of late. Its inspiring. More so than anything else i saw all year. Plus ludacris is good in it. Plus the songs should probably win academy awards...and if they aren't atleast nominated ill be highly offended. i now respect crunk.


things missing: walk the line, roll bounce, wedding crashers, the island, charlie and the chocolate factory, four brothers, war of the worlds....those were all varying degrees of good too......ill mention that walk the line had the best acting i saw all year....

i didnt really hate anything this year....i was dissappointed with fantastic four and Dukes of Hazzard and that harry potter movie...
***correction...i hated kicking and screaming

things i really need to watch still apparently......family stone, brokeback mountain, munich, syriana, constant gardner, millions, devils rejects, kiss kiss bang bang, good night and good luck, capote, match point, howls moving castle, the new world, ice harvest?....and probably a few others......most of these scream rental though....




happy new year internet....