my faith is all mine, but the rest of me is yours

so all the hope i had for my vampire film being shown at a contest has pretty much been laid to rest. Which makes me feel fairly anti-austin liberal film fucks. It sparks a flame in me, that wants to go into the film industry and create something different. Something rough, and offensive....yet commercially viable to middle americans. That....as it turns out...is my dream.....possibly my purpose in life. Maybe it has always been that....but without that "commercially viable" attached to the end of it. But it is probably impossible....but i think its something to aspire to. Otherwise...i am fairly satisfied with my work. The editing is a bit rushed...but the content is what counts...and the content is funny. And if you dont think it is, you have no sense of humor, and fuck you. But anyways...i have an interview with the giant radio tycoon, Clear Channel Communications, for a temp promotional job...i prolly wont get it, because i dont meet some of their schedule needs....but whatever....
Some good news though...i get to meet some industry (film) people this weekend....including robert forster, terrance malick, and some other poeple that are unknown to most. Also.....VERTICAL HORIZON (the band) will be playing a FREE concert on campus saturday! so that will be grrreat....if i go....which i definitely wont....unless im severely drunk.But something really interesting is happening in the coming months dealing with all these summer releases....we kick it off with a new deftones album (selftitled) which seems promising, also...in june...a new zebrahead album will be released named 'Mutha Fuckin Zebrahead Bitch' (mfzb)...and with a title as bold as that, how can it be bad? Then in july....a new 311 album....called 'Evolver.' Does that make everyone want to go outside next to your street and blow a fat load on a car as it passes by? because it makes me want to. Ill be attending a zebrahead concert late may....and then warped tour in july...mostly to see Andrew wk and rancid. Reminds me alot of the summer between junior and senior year in high school. Oh ya....and a metallica album is coming out...but it will prolly be overrated...and the cover art seems very nu-metal to me.

one more note....ill be in attendance at the Yanni show sunday. Go yanni and VERTICAL HORIZON!

burning/annoying questions

this past weekend i worked...outside....and i got severely sun-burnt. Today...i am peeling alot, and scabs have formed over blisters on my nose and forehead. Im in the library now, and rubbing my fingers over my face creates alot of snow. I wonder if others are noticing around me. Surely some stalker is stalking and has seen this regular old man winter in he flesh.
But seriously...just as my face is falling off, times are turbulent. Decisions must be made for the ever rapidly approaching future. Should I write this paper? Should I write this speech in spanish? should i finish this film? should i work? can i write? hopefully yes to everything, time permitting. along with these own personal troubles....the country troubles. Should i support a war? does it even matter? when is gas going down?
Things will slow down once the summer has been properly setup. Then i get to make easy decisions. Should I go to redhotchili peppers? warped tour? summer sanitarium? lollapalooza? Will I buy the 311 album, the deftones album, the metallica album on the first day of their release? or will i wait?
the battle is mostly being determined now....
i wish i would get an internship...but i fear things dont look good for me.....it would give me a great excuse not to return to katy for the summer. But maybe i should go home....free meals, toilet paper, cleaning, cable, internet, close proximity of friends....and consequently drugs. The easy/lazy road is always tempting.

some guy is staring at my pile of dead skin ive made....i must retreat now.

listening to hail to the theif is gay for me

today i watched a french new-wave film. I like this reality/stylistic approach to filmmaking....the overly long takes and scenes...which may be painful for some, were kind of a relief from the rapid fire editing of today. Although the movie was french spoken, and a little hard to 'escape' or 'sink' into, the 'real' style of the directing and script made it easier. The story was that of a bastard child who gets in a lot of trouble and consistently is running away from these troubles, which usual consist of him trying to do something right but having a misunderstanding with an adult about it...........the film ends oddly, but ofcourse metaphorically, as he is shown running for about five minutes.....and then comes to a beach. And then the credits roll......
i was impressed with the ballsiness of it....since its from a very strict time period. (50s or 60s)
anyways....ive put forth my best effort to stop smoking so much in the past 3 days.....hopefully i can make it all week......i will see how my will power does this weekend. You never think you are that addicted, until you see people doing it and cant think of anything reasons why not to do it. Its not so bad yet though. Ive felt very unhealthy over the past few months....and im thinking smoking is the reason.....but perhaps its just drinking and im fucked still.
Today i went to eat at a mexican restaturant....in which a group of intoxicated to the core, obese people offered me booze. After i refused a few times, they placed two margaritas on our table and peer pressured us into drinking them. And i did a little.......then, presumably because we didn't drink "enough", they offered to pay for our entire meal, and i let them. Before i left, a couple from the group took to the unisex bathroom together and obviously fucked for an indeterminate amount of time....because after twenty minutes i went home...it was gross to think about. Overall experience was positive but the dish i ordered was terrible.....This is the third time in my life a stranger has paid for something i was going to buy.

The weekend with friends was swift, but very fun. When with my closest friends.....there are no pity-laughs. And i like that.