real live preacher post, that i really liked

i love this post...
there are a lot of people who don't like to talk about this type of thing with me (spiritual enlightenment or the like), or simply don't know how (nor do I, most of the time I can barely get a 8 letter word out) but im constantly thinking in this vein...especially since the advent of my situation (being mostly alone) in San Antonio.




"Galactic Pyramid
November 16, 2006 - 3:46pm
Here are some signs of spiritual enlightenment:

* The embracing of paradox.
* The love of mystery in the presence of unanswered questions.
* The acceptance of your small place in reality.
* The willingness to engage in spiritual exercises without knowing how they will work or even what it would mean for them to work.
* The increase of the love, grace, forgiveness, and patience visible in your life.

Every human being is on a journey to discover the meaning of life. You cannot avoid this journey. It is the price and the gift of self-awareness. You can be intentional about the journey. You can embrace the idea of journey, seek out paths in the spiritual wilderness, listen and learn about the journeys of fellow pilgrims, and find joy in all of the above. Or you can follow a straight path from birth to death, taking life as it comes to you and straining bits of enlightenment with the spiritual baleen that is a natural part of your psyche.

But if you are a human being – and of course you are - you will be gathering truth and meaning as you go. You’ll be putting it all together in your mind and in your heart. By mind I mean the center of your intellect. By heart I mean the center of your emotions.

Here is a hard truth. The journey of every person is filled with pain. We like pain. It helps us find the edges of reality. It reminds us that we are real. We inflict pain on others, willingly and unwillingly, and if we find no pain in ourselves, we will seek it out. We will gnaw, pick, pinch, and worry the places that hurt us. Pain, like dreams, plays some unknown but essential role in our development.

Joy is also part of the journey. Along the way, some things and some people will light you up like a Christmas tree. Sometimes you will know why you feel joy. Often you will not. I want to say that you should pay close attention to what brings you joy and pain, but of course you will pay attention. How could you not?

I think the journey of enlightenment is a gift offered to creatures that are aware of their own existence. And this gift is not given very often in the universe.

Do you suppose it takes an entire galaxy to support the development of one self-aware species? It may be that only a very small percentage of worlds develop life of any kind. And of those worlds, perhaps only a small percentage will develop complex life forms, like plants and insects. And of those worlds, only a small few will develop life with any recognizable form of intelligence. And of those, a tiny fraction will develop life that is able to ponder the nature and meaning of its own existence.

You can think spatially about our relationship to our galaxy. We exist on the tip of a spiral arm of the Milky Way. Or you could use another model and consider that we sit atop a vast pyramid of life and the absence of life. The base of this pyramid stretches from one end of the galaxy to the other. Stacked beneath us are countless dead planets and other worlds arrested at some point in their development. It is impossible to comprehend the unlikely nature of our life and journey. All of these worlds were needed to produce you and me.

We have won the grandest of lotteries, and yet many of us refuse to take seriously the journey that is our birthright. Instead we sit around in the evenings watching reruns of The Simpsons, bickering over issues that will develop and conclude in the time it takes a star to wink, and picking at the scabs of our old wounds.

rlp"



I guess it would be tiring to talk about this all the time. Exhausting in fact...as I see it as the most important thing in life.

checking in

I am now an uncle.
The extension of my immediate family is interesting to say the least.
After the devolution of the good ties I felt to my extended family on either side over the past 5 years (excluding a handful of cousins), I felt ever closer to my simple 4 family unit. With a 5th member, I'm now seeing how extended families dissolves into new extended families. Ofcourse to flesh it out, I guess my sister would have to make more children than my parents have (2). The idea of having children still makes me queasy at best. I worry too much about the future of life on earth. I pine over lower population every day I drive to work. I use all flourescent bulbs, because of paranoia (and cheapness). How could I bring a child into this rotting world?
I can barely stand it at times...whether its this earth, this country, this city, this body, or this mind....Being alive can at times be extremely alienating.
But I have to rely on my belief in the 100% absurdity of life....

"I Fill my mouth with dog shit, and let it resonate. Unable to spit it out, for reasons unknown."

I try to picture myself in this situation at times...just to put me in that state of mind..... "Everything is absurd"

I guess having kids can't be any more or less absurd. I'll have to ask my sister if she sees a difference in a mouth full of shit and having a child...



One day we will all shit robots....

GO SEE THE FOUNTAIN. IDIOT!

happy workers

anyone remember the subtle creepiness of that song from the Robin Williams fronted semi-flop "Toys"?

{NOTE: Don't go watch his new semi-flop "Man of The Year" - it blows}

I do, though.

After working what I will consider a 70 hour week (give or take 5), I'm coming to more "adult" ends. Despite getting a raise, I can still start to feel a little low about my status as an office worker of the technology age...albeit in the creative vein....office worker none the less.
Maybe it's the chronic headache and dizziness I've had for over two weeks now, or that I haven't had time to write anything recently (whether it be a blog or script or an extended idea)...but I feel like I'm dying. Or rather, I'm cognizant of the fact that I'm dying, chronically....and im looking at what I'm doing now (spending 70 hours within 5 days in front of a (really nice) macintosh), I feel a malaise of a kind.

Im doing exactly what I want, but I'm not feeling exactly how I want to feel about it. But I understood the rules of production and post production after my 3rd year in college, and I signed that contract/marriage with a metaphorical and fictional pen with gold ink (not dissimilar to the one Ariel uses in the Little Mermaid to attain legs, which are nice). I'm too cross with mental exhaustion to assess the many reasons why exactly...I just know its found a place in my mind or body or heart, and decided to feast...similar to that horror movie Feast.

My first (and only) guess would be the consequences of career choices in general. The consequences with doing something with your life...
My list of friends in life continues to dwindle as we all find ourselves coming to new paths and sprinting into them....unable to hear eachother with more and more distance being created between us....even with facebook and myspace setting up tin can phones....
I have a hard time making new friends....and at 23...I just don't feel the drive...not that I ever really did. It can be disheartening...the realization that friendship as you get older becomes an endurance test...and most fail...and some dont. I, as well as most (maybe), like to think I give it my all, but im sure my friends dont think so...as age and experience seems to make you more critical, and the accelertion of time, disallows the mending of heart breaking mistakes.....
this type of thinking will probably get worse as i exit my early twenties and make a step toward my mid-20s.

Isn't amazing how I can bitch about any situation in my life?

I regret nothing...and everything...you will have to ask me which when I am in different moods with different people, with different drugs, with different music.


the new beck is OK.

i didn't write this

Another article from Slate. Apparently this guy needs attention.
No wonder I think I'm funny....

"Must everybody try to be funny these days? Are we now compelled, as a culture, to be comical, no matter the setting or the endeavor? And if so, what on earth gave rise to this troubling idea?
One possible culprit may be corporate America itself, where being funny is now seen as a valuable asset. Fortune 500 companies dole out big fees to comedy consultants who offer humor seminars and improv workshops—all in the name of improved productivity. But how exactly are funnier employees better for business? According to Tim Washer, a former improv performer who is now a communications executive at IBM, funniness helps foster team-building and, of course, learning how to "think outside the box." Never mind that, as Washer suggests, being funny can't really be taught. "Humor is binary," he says. "You're either funny or you're not." Still, thanks to coaches like Washer, when Joe BlackBerry leaves the office after a day of training, he goes out into the world armed with a PowerPoint primer on comedic timing and the notion that he's funny. And, at some point, he's going to try to prove this to you.

Another possible contributor is television and the fact that we mimic what we watch. There is more comedy being broadcast today than ever before, thanks to the full flowering of the Seinfeld effect (everyday existence is funny) and the comedic explosion inspired by the show. An endless array of cable offerings now besiege the populace daily with comedy in the form of hackneyed sitcoms (both rerun and original content), predictable stand-up routines, and clichéd cultural commentators in love with decades of the late 20th century. "So what?" you might say. "People are experiencing more comedy. It beats a kick in the teeth." But just as reality television blurs the line between entertainment and actual life, this avalanche of televised humor may be giving the viewing public the misguided idea that comedy is easy.
The comedic personalities garnering the most airtime tend to be regular folks (Who doesn't love Raymond? Or Kevin James from King of Queens?) speaking in a universal language of baseline observations ("Men and women often have different approaches to situations, especially when they are married!") about the most pedestrian aspects of life ("Hey, I fight with my spouse about the laundry/kids/in-laws as well … my world must be equally hilarious"), which makes comedy seem like an endeavor that the Everyman should undertake. The end result? The guy standing next to you in line at Starbucks sounds like a nondescript sitcom actor that even your TiVo can't stand.
A related cause could be the contemporary avoidance of sincerity. Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter's post-9/11 declaration pronouncing the death of irony is, five years later, the misstatement of the millennium. From sneakers to cell-phone ring-tones to rain on your wedding day, everything is ironic. Or, more accurately, everything is sarcastic, the less-literary stepcousin of irony. Unlike irony, sarcasm can be printed on a T-shirt or written into every tenth line of an ESPN newscast with the generic (and easily aped) voice of mocking detachment that is so prevalent today.
What is the upside of being funny? Well, apart from getting noticed, it's safer to hide behind the mask of humor, especially in a culture skeptical of intellectualism. Andrew Stott, an English professor whose academic treatise Comedy explored the philosophy of humor, sees it like this: "Being funny is a means of avoiding scrutiny. It's a deeply concealing activity that invites attention while simultaneously failing to offer any detailed account of oneself. The reason humor is so popular today is that it provides the comfort of intimacy without the horror of actually being intimate." Thus, schlock-jock Opie & Anthony clones rule drive-time America while truth-tellers like Bill Hicks linger in relative obscurity.
This is not to say that avoiding honest discourse via humor is always a bad thing. When David Letterman came forth with his pitch-perfect Midwestern droll in early 1980s, the voice was a refreshing change from the Johnny Carson boy-that-President-Carter-is-indecisive school of joke-telling. But the Letterman tone has grown so prevalent that the comedic effect has long since been lost, leaving only the grating noise of a million imitators, all sounding like a tired Top Ten list.
If you've ever been at a party where some guy trying to tap a keg chimes in with a quip about how "it's all ball bearings nowadays" (a line stolen from the most over-referenced film of all time), then you have had firsthand experience with this crisis. Still, up until a few years ago, these situations were relegated to the realm of the interpersonal, which one could limit by sitting at home in the dark and avoiding all human contact. But this luxury no longer exists. For, as the IBM example illustrates, we are now mired in an era of instant mass self-expression. And, for all of the democracy the Internet engenders, it is possible to have too much vox populi, especially when the populi seem intent on using such tired punch lines and hacky premises.
The only solution is for some of us to voluntarily retire from the humor game. Let me be the first to forge a new reality by pledging never to try to be funny again."

Dear Future, you suck.

The world will be frightening to me as an old man...how normal....


http://www.slate.com/id/2149772/?nav=tap3

=


http://imdb.com/title/tt0119177/

Yes...I make car commercials, with care.

Seems like every Cavender brother/cousin/progeny wanted a freaking new car spot for labor day.






my nascar is showing...sorry...






I love that guy's moustache.



Glad this week is over.....311 concert number 11 on Sunday...
see approximately none of you there.

If you are in Austin or Houston this weekend (or New York or LA or Chicago) you owe it to your funniness to seek out Mike Judge's long belated "Idiocracy"....do it.

or Beerfest....or atleast Little Miss Sunshine.

why blogs aren't what they used to be

It's pretty simple really.
Every mother fucker on the internet has one....thanks mostly to myspace.

I continue to do this only because in a one on one bout with boredom, my embarassment with following the trends of 13 yr old internet whores will lose everytime.

Here are some random things....

There is a new Andrew WK album coming to America soon....he is the new Zappa...get on the wagon before he dies.
There is this documentary called "Jesus Camp" I'm really scared to see. Look the trailer up yourslef. Links bug me sometimes.
I'm also scared of buying the new Outkast album, and seeing their movie...Outkast makes me sad when they are not phenomenal.
Beerfest is coming out...exciting.
Summer movies are over after Beerfest is out.....it's cool, I was getting tired of them anyway. Bring on The Fountain, Children of Men, 007, that Museum movie, and BLACK SNAKE MOAN...eventually.

Still haven't gotten around to seeing Little Miss Sunshine.
Snakes on a Plane, despite being a fun movie, and one that i would love to eventually buy, has exhausted me for the time being....and apparently everyone else got exhausted with it one week before it was released, 'cause no one watched it.


On another note....I'm doing awesome, thanks for being curious.



posterity.

heat=evolution

There was a time a few years ago I had decided that evolution (assuming it does exist in the Human species) was no longer really needed, and that there was nothing really to stop us from eating our planet, and living like fat cats forever. It's even the premise to the new much anticipated Mike Judge film.
In the movie...whichever Wilson Brother is unfrozen a thousand years from now, and is intriduced to a world where we have experienced devolution....everyone is big and dumb....and obviously the Wilson brother, despite being of average intelligence in his time, now is the smartest man on earth....

Although I may have believed this at some point...and been disgusted with it....I now am thankful that will we have heat.
Heat it seems will be our evolutionary advisary....

Hopefully...I sure as hell see the need for it. The population of earth is fucking way out of control.
Natural Selection will take place once the Big Daddy Sun is having his way with his bitch wife...mother earth. Only those who can take the heat need apply to the next generations of people....

Although so far, only old people seem to be dying....I must assume that more and more will become susceptible as we ravage our energy and gas supplies...thus cooking our atmosphere creating higher more detrimental temperatures.
So we will have a few lifetimes before gorgeous bodied supermodels are killed on outdoor/beach photo shoots...and we will start with the often scary, poor, and over diseased oldies.

I can't wait.

pay to come

As I read over an email response from a doctor in New York on the price of penis enlargements, I can't help but think about/attempt to analyze "my generation."

I wish I was knowlegeable enough to attack this subject, but sadly I can not speak from outside the box. I simply can make guesses from inside, seeing as how I can't really see the whole thing...and am predominately stupid. (please tell me Im not).

Generation Y. Apparently I fall into this title. Born after the Baby Boomers were no longer young and just as the hardcore motherfuckers of Generation X had begun their descent into boredom with everything including rejection. We don't remember the challenger. We didn't care about the Iraqi war. We fueled the birth of the internet or rather...the socialization of it. We got a little sad when those planes crashed into those buildings, which apparently ends our generation prematurely and starts the next.....those fucks don't even know what a VHS player is.....excuse me....VCR.

These may be the events, but how are we described? What makes us what we are?
I don't think we got any of the good adjectives. Baby Boomers got to be progressive and make it okay to change (then say it isn't later), Gen X got to shit on everything and not care, triumphantly. We got the internet and an early case of manic nostalgia? mostly for everything 80s? What the hell is that? we aren't angry, we aren't instigators of change of any kind, we aren't even really listless...just conflicted....we pop our pills and start talking about old ninja turtles episodes... (which is okay by me...im still in the box here)....but just like that, we choose not to snap out of it and make a decision to be something aside from meandering....Where's the fucking estuary?

We're benign, but filled with somewhat trite motivation...if not faux. We want seemingly what our baby boomer parents presently want....just more of the same. And we don't even have to put up a fight....it's already the reward for being "good." And don't I know it....have you hung out with me and my parents? they kinda have it made. But its like we can't define ourselves without them....like we can't leave the pouch....not to be conceded, but Joey-Syndrome?

As i take a break from editing a bunch of middleaged baptists talk about drug abuse, im seeing my parent's lifestyle now as something i somehow fooled myself into thinking was "right" and "good".......Although, my parents are pretty cool....
....im conflicted.

I refuse to believe the baby boomers were somehow this 'great' or 'smart' that they have seemingly figured out what is good for America for more than one generation....I would like to be able to disagree.

Eventually they will start dying in droves and then maybe....when we are all parentless, sad, and pathetic, we will make some different choices, and we can create a somewhat more definable mark on this country/planet....Hopefully it won't just be further democratization of media to the point where it kills mainstream media.....that would be interesting...although a loss of an industry.

Generation X sucked...only because they brought about Pearl Jam. I could have done without Pearl Jam.

clerks 2

I just came after writing that title.

But it pales in comparison to how many times I wanted to cum during the regional premiere of Clerks 2 at the Paramount last night.

I don't know if you know this about me (you do), but I like movies. I like motion pictures more than anything in the world including God in a manner of speaking...ofcourse I like to believe God is everything, and at the same time the provider of Men's innovation....so I see everything two fold. But anyways...movies....love 'em. They influence pretty much every aspect of my life.....But Why?
There is nearly one answer why I love them so very much, and that reason just might be Kevin Smith movies (and a few others) Before I had seen Mallrats or later Clerks, who was I???
All I can remember are shadows and echoey shrieks coming from a distance....

All I am really trying to say is that I would be a radically different person if it were not for Clerks....and I truly believe that to my core. Clerks made me realize something. Having a friend or two and making light of your life are the most valuable keys to enjoying life....or rather my life specifically. I may have eventually figured this out, but Clerks specifically made it crystal clear. I needed to make fun of absolutely everything with people who liked to do the same.
In essence, it created my personal motto.....everything is funny if you want it to be and need it to be.

I love Dante and Randal. What can I say? I am Dante in my mind...maybe with a bit more ambition, but with far less sexual exploits....so it evens out. And Daren will always be Randal to me, and that will never be replaced. It's too perfect.
Me and him, just as Dante and Randal will always be sitting behind a counter making fun of people using awesomely offensive language and talking about movies. Not to mention (and Ill lift this directly from Mr. Smith) being one cock in the mouth shy from being insanely gay for each other.

After all this identification and adoration for these characters for the past...ill say 9 years of my life, it's interesting to me that I am now finally (about) the age of Dante and Randal....and I'm more passionate about them than ever, but here I am given another picture of these same characters 10 years down the road....10 years away from my present age, again.
It's weird.
But it fills me.
Not sure with what yet, aside from my packed-with-semen chones. (is that the right mezzican spelling? it means underpants)

Looking forward to seeing how this new film will affect me in a variety of ways. (after over-obsessively watching it 50 times).
It's inspiration for me.

Thanks Mr. Kevin Smith....this sounds really gay, but you are in fact my hero.

But yeah....the movie is really funny/endearing....and even if you don't want bend over and let Kevin Smith and Co. cram their private parts into you....you will still prolly like it.
I promise.
If I ever start writing real reviews I would put this tag on it, as my ceal of approval...
"I'm going to tell my mom to watch it."




This will be the best movie of the summer for me...so everything else can quite trying.

Also...Pirates of The Carribean 2 was not good....for me. But I would recommend you see it anyway, So I can tell you to blow it out your shitty ass....I'll be seeing it again at some point, for visual effects mostly.

I have to go do the silence of the lambs dance now.

souper shit

Paul reminded me of this...
...SOUPER SALAD....
is by far the worst franchised load of shit ever.
I've never been more dissatisfied after trying more than 4 plates of food and tossing each aside in search for something that was actually worth the 8 bucks.
I always thought it was kind of a hip little salad/soup place....but in fact reminds more of a denny's than anything else....except far worse....if you can imagine that.

go ahead and try.....are you imagining your own asshole with shit dangling, inches away from urine filled toilet water? If so, you are close to what I would consider the perfect analogy.

and for the record im very excited about Snakes On A Plane, and have been for what seems like before christmas....
However...clerks 2 is in like less than 16 days now.....i have priorities......



Superman is good.....sadly...upon a second watch....not as spectacular as id hoped.

still waiting for spectacular.....







you tried to kill me, you son of a bitch........Now welcome to the revolution.

click...

so...you guys know I came up with the concept for the movie Click about 3 years ago, and first heard of Adam Sandler being involved with a movie with a similar concept about a year and a half ago.

i was kinda pissed....my concept being defiled by adam sandler and company (not that it's the most original concept or anything...but still...somewhat perturbed)

However....it's pretty good.
The most I have enjoyed an Adam Sandler movie since the Wedding Singer. After a run of such poop movies (save for Punch Drunk Love, and some of Anger Management), I'm glad he made another goodie.

.....Like a funny mix of quarky sci-fi with It's A Wonderful Life.Whereas, my movie was more along the lines of a story about men's troubles in dating, this movie sort of tackles the troubles with working and family (albeit a bit trite, but it worked for me here).

And Kate Beckinsale makes my penis melt everytime she appears on screen, and it's got Hasselhoff for the Ladies.

SO far this summer movie 2006 has been a bit fair-good...everything I've seen has been either just kind of fun or mostly enjoyable. Nothing really great yet...but that's ok
quick run down....
Cars I think has been the most dissappointing thus far....but Over the Hedge was very good.
Nacho Libre is funny and actually a really decent quarky film. Definitely worth the money if you like any of the three things involved. Jared Hess, Jack Black, or Lucha Libre Mexican Wrestling.
X3, was hilarious....and I actually really liked it, because of how big and dumb it was....which makes it like..."cool"
MI3...idunno, everyone told me it was going to be awesome, but i wasn't all that impressed....and i still can not get over how i know way too much about tom cruise's personal life, having never sought any of that info out.
I don't remember if I mentioned a movie called Brick awhile ago...which actually could be a great film, but I will have to see it again.
A few others...I don't even really want to mention.

My BIGGEST complaint thus far is this: Where the fuck are all the R-rated comedies I was promised? Last year studios made a shitload of money off of Wedding Crashers and The 40 Year Old Virgin....and NO studio had the balls to want to repeat the success? Pussies.

The only one I'm currently aware of is Clerks 2. And thank you Jesus. Thank you Lord.....and then the Borat movie (which looks fantastic) in late August...but past August 20th, is not summer to me....plus neither will be marketed well enough...but fuck it.

I almost want to say this Click movie is a great one, but i think it will only be great for me, and some other non-film snobs.


So....Superman Returns? I bet there is a controversial gay scene...a phallic piece of kryptonite?

Oh yeah, and why is our president pro-torturing people?

welcome back routine

I have not had a routine like this....in a long time. Creature of habit has never been a moniker of mine, until recently...sort of. it's interesting.
I have to start looking for a place to live seriously now...and as of now, I'm living on my own...which again is interesting. I also have grown into a serious fetish with TV - DVDs. After consuming Arrested Development and Curb Your Enthusiasm...I went on to purchase Grey's Anatomy season one, and then yesterday I purchased every episode of Mr. Show....

Brace yourself....
I'm enjoying work.

I enjoy this job more than anything I have ever done for money. And because of the money, its one of my favorite things ever (no stipulation).

But...the routine.
It's so interesting living like this......
Instead of boring you with my actual routine, i figured i would write my internet routine....which has already been around for several years.

This is my internet routine...with no time contraints.
-I open AIM, check to see who is on. Talk to anyone I need to talk to, or say hello to my close 4 or 5 net people.
-I turn on a podcast (normally loveline) or make a playlist in itunes.
-I open Firefox, and check my gmail. I reply if need be.
-I check Ain't It Cool News (ain'titcool.com) and read all the movie news I can handle.
-I check C.H.U.D. (chud.com) and read all the movie news that seems uncovered by Ain't it Cool.
-I check myspace bulletins, (If I haven't already been there by message notification through email)
-I check Newsaskew.com, to see what is going on with Kevin Smith/Clerks 2...as I am obsessed.
-I check Fandango.com to see what new movies are coming out or find reviews.
-I check blogger (not everyday) and other peoples blogs (non-myspace), this includes Austinist.com (as there is not a SanAntonioist.com, yet), and occasionally RealLivePreacher.com.
-I check apple.com/trailers for any new movie trailers out, or movies I haven't heard of.
-I then check my source for actual news, Slate.com...I usually just look at political comics, and a couple of interesting titles....more often than not, it has to deal with movies rather than real news.


Most most used reference material aside from Google and Google images are...
IMDB.com
wikipedia.com
dictionary.com


ya...

How Am I.

If you don't know this by now...I actually got a job in the field of my choice. Finally.
I feel predominately good about this, as I will learn a crap load, and if I indeed decide to start my own production company one day, this will be invaluable....despite how unglamorous that sounds, to me atleast...it's better than any other jobs outside of the entertainment industry.
Shootz productions everyone.
It's in San Antonio, and I'm leaving Austin after 5 years (Longer than I have lived anywhere before). I will miss it...but in all likelihood will still be here 6 days out a month, atleast....so at this point I'm not feeling the apprehension I would If I were moving to NYC, LA, or even Houston for that matter. But maybe a little about the fact that I actually have to go to work everyday for a minimum of 8 hours a day.....plus all the side gig stuff I'm supposed to be getting from CollegeBallorBust. So the busyness scares me a little....mostly because my body has a tendency to break down easily.
But then that frightened-ness, is eaten away by the fact that...shit....I won't be working a shitty tip job....I will actually have a job, that in my mind, is "real."
I've dropped this concept of a tip job not being a "real" job with negative reactions a few times while working them. People, who obviously don't see a tip job as interim, get pretty fucking offended....I never mean to offend, but it's my reality, not theirs.

I've prayed to God for this job. Something I rarely do.....pray. I usually just kind of talk to God in a matter-of-fact...hunky-doree (sp?) kind of way. Like if im eating some ice cream, and Im like..."Christ man....this is the shit." Rarely am I ever like..."God, could you please help my sister make better decisions." or something along those lines.

My Dad, who prays more than I, also was praying for this job for me. He had a funny story though....because at some point over the past couple of weeks, he was listening to the radio in his car. Turned down the radio for a little one on one with G. Then he completes his prayer for me and reapplies the volume, to none other than the song "Down" by 311....a known obsession I've had for years. He saw this as a sign....and I wouldn't disagree.

So....we will see how it goes.

more

I recently (finally) got the chance to see The Devil and Daniel Johnston, a full length documentary about the Semi-local legend Daniel Johnston...the guy most famous for the graffitti on the side wall of Sound Exchange (Now Baja Fresh) on guadalupe, which has the odd frog-like creature with the "Hi, How are You" dialogue.
I had, since realizing that there was an artist attached to the Frog, been interested in him. I had downloaded a handful of tracks....of which I liked, but kind of never listened to, and at some point lost. I also remember hearing stories from older austinites than myself about this crazy story of him flying in a plane and throwing the keys out the window, and crashing.
But that was pretty much the extent of it.
That is, until this documentary trailer came out, quite awhile ago......Damn...This trailer did its job, and I became semi obsessed with it....which is rare...as me and docs don't always mix.
I started redownloading/stealing his songs....and I remembered I really liked a handful of his songs....
I like his stuff for a variety of reasons....mostly because you can feel the dry insanity in them all. Also the referencing of things like casper the friendly ghost and an all around obsession with death that often seems comical, makes it easy to like....and love in some cases. And, as a person who went through a very serious period of time with some very trying mental problems (over a year ago, yeah! so glad.) I can relate to the obsession with death..........blah blah blah.......

Anyways....so I go to the movie today. About twenty or thirty minutes in, Daniel Johnston's brother Dick is introduced. I freeze up in shock, and realize....that is fucking Andrew Johnston's Dad....holy shit....this guy is Andrew Johnston's Uncle! Not long after I see old 8mm films with Andrew in them, and a picture of his mom. If you don't know, Andrew happened to be a good friend of mine for the better(?) part of high school..........we had a falling out.
But at this moment, obviously, the whole movie changed for me. Now I felt very inside the story, as opposed to an on-looker/outsider, and had something to learn from the film, different from everyone else in the theater. It was very surreal. I have no idea how I never even thought that Daniel and Andrew could have anything more in common than a last name.
I started thinking about all the times Drew had mentioned to me how crazy his uncle was, and how he broke his dad's rib or something....all of which was expanded on thoroughly, by what would be one of the best bio-docs I've ever seen.....aside from my small beef with the lack of concentrating on the exploitative moments of an obviously mentally ill person....but hey......everyone's got to pay the mortgage, right?
I mentioned the falling out earlier...
I won't get into it too much, but after watching the film I understood fairly substantial amount of his family and religious background, and their involvement with the Church of Christ......which I always felt was a primary reason for the falling out, but it's hard to remember all the factors that could have been.....I guess it was like over 6 years ago or more.....so it's all repressed or non-existent......but still....a learning experience, and an interesting revisiting of one of the larger failed relationships I've had in my life, and a lot of the feelings and thoughts that come along with it.



It was an amazing experience........plus I saw MI:III and Thank You for Smoking as well. Yes-All in one day...which were both enjoyable.


Sex Trains Only in 06.

V

my personal feelings on V for Vendetta, that movie that most of you won't go watch....but should consider it.

This movie comes for real. As in...it brings it. And by it, I mean political agenda and an idea. But you know what...it's not anti-republican party. It's anti-government in general.
Maybe I see what I want....and maybe that's some of the beauty in great art (and some of the ugly in bad art), it can be interpretted in a variety of ways....
In the film, set in the somewhat near future of Britain, the Government has grown out of control....using its power to control the media and its people (oh wait, don't they already? just kidding, kinda) through Fear. People in the media, the right wing media, supposedly have been taking mild stabs at the movie for being anti-US government....I guess, so everyone was ready to go out and give the movie shit....but I think two things happened.
One being, it's actually a movie that doesn't inhereintly disrespect any real American values (the real ones, not the newer fake ones), but supports them....atleast the ones I like the most.
Two, it's good....but it's a little heavy for the average movie goer in my opinion.....but maybe im underestimating people....so despite being number one its first week, I imagine its gonna slip quickly....and therefore not cause that much of a splash anyways.

So is this movie that important......sorta.
Why?
I went and saw this movie with both my mother and father. I'll try not to get into too many details, but if you ask them, both my parents will claim to be strong republicans. They support Bush fully, they support the war for the most part....
But, if you start really talking to them, they never sound like Republicans to me.....or atleast they don't sound like what republicans do in the media.
They claim that Bush is good, but will in private admit that he is making some mistakes.
They claim to be conservative, but don't understand why we are still driving a car fueled with gasoline, and still don't understand why we don't have a flat tax rate.
The claim to support less government, and despise the thought of giving up liberties to the government....
My parents are christian, but support abortion....
My parents can't stand the cops, nor their neighbors that usually call them on them.
My parents listen to Houston rap music, and and support non-censorship in the right areas....
They, to me, are no longer conservatives....because that definition is changing. To me their ideas sometimes seem radical. Its like they want change....they want to feel free-er. Whatever that means....i guess it's different for everyone.

The terms liberal and conservative seem muddled to me....
conservative would seem to mean supporting everything in all those 200 plus year old documents....all that shit....that barely means anything now....liberty, freedom, equality...yadda yadda...
Government as a hand of the people in the country....that's what i want....that seems radical to me now......im rambling more than i intended....


The point is....after this movie with them/parents.....they walked out, and after my Dad (and Me (for one sentence)) talked my Mom out of thinking this one section of the movie with an incarcerated Lesbian (put in prison because she was gay) was in fact, not Hollywood propaganda....they both kinda saw the same things I did.
The Big one being, that eventually...a Government can get out of hand....and eventually they may need to get taken down, and a new one established....

I think this reminder to people is the only reason why this movie is important. It's something I've always thought of....but never felt necessary (not that I'm strong or charismatic enough to start something but..meh).....maybe you do think so already....but you probably hate George Bush for a handful of reasons, and think irrationally...just kidding...kind of.

I personally don't think the current American government is far too out of control....I just think it's not quick enough, and is too concerned with not looking bad......
there are too many ways of looking at it, and too many ways to convince people of any way of looking at it.
We will see in 2008 i suppose....if we get another president, republican or democrat, who wins by a tiny margin, and who doesn't seem to want to get us where we need to be fast enough....and seems to be carrying, with his term, all this fear....and all this misinformation.......then we will see how pissed everyone gets.......then we will see if we will get any V's. I'd love to be a part of it......
More interesting will be to see the thing that gets our very split country to align under a common goal........what's that quote about exciting times?


And honestly...i want my hybrid by next year, and i want it for 19000....at the most.




do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.....until you violate the rights of another. yeah? no? yeah......

SXSW 2006, blotch.

Ill go ahead and do a top ten list....

10. Winter Sleep - I worked as security at one of my most frequented watering holes (am I old enough to say that?), Bourbon Rocks, for one night...and that night, this weird post-rock sounding band played. It was really interesting math rock kinda thing. I got into it, and perked me up when i really wanted to sleep. im having trouble finding anything about them on the internet, as there seems to be atleast 4 other bands with that name.

9. Blood Sugar - This Funk Rock band I saw for free after shooting the band Full Stride at Fuel on Saturday. James Brown meets Bad Religion...or something. It was really great music to hear live. Just one of those bands you only want to listen to live....probably.

8. Funksway - A super group composed of all these amazing musicians...including Erykah Badu, Questlove, DJ jazzy jeff, and some amazing guitar player that I had never heard of...and a bunch of others. It was amazing to watch, and Erykah Badu exudes....idunno.....SEX. They all formed to make a record for this movie....I forget what it was called....It's a Doc about how the record industry has changed so dramatically in the past 2 years or so...I heard it was really good.

7. Meeting DJ Jazzy Jeff - It's fucking DJ Jazzy Jeff. He was really a quiet guy....But I enjoy the quiet star.....if you can call him that.....more legend I guess.

6. Riverboat Gamblers (ME studios performance) - This was so funny. 'Cause the lead singer, while being very quiet, completely rock-starred out when they went on....getting up on a piano and jumping, Climbing a giant camera lift, throwing the mic around, sliding around (back to floor) on the floor.....not to mention how much of the free booze they ended up stealing. I really like their music too. For the record, I dont really care for the Arctic Monkeys.

5. Nico Vega (ME studios performance) - idunno what it is about this group from LA. The chick that sings is pretty and passionate on stage....and sounds so....idunno....i wanna janis joplin, but i guess i should just say soulful. The guitar is pretty crunchy, and the drummer was the locksmith from Crash, which is cool. Be on the lookout, as I imagine them getting kinda popular. hopefully more populare than this poser band called "we are the fury"....cause they are definitely not the fury.

4. Municipal Waste - I needed a good circle pit/ thrash show to go to....it had been awhile. These guys have some good shit if you are into it. Plus they are pretty funny, and almost seem like characitures of themsleves/thrash metal....For some reason when I see them, I kept thinking, "I bet these guys were really into the Garbage Pale Kids....when they were kids. Good Stuff. I also got clocked in the knees and landed really hard on my arm, football injury style...but I must have landed just right....cause my elbow is the only bruise I have.

3. Meeting Maria Munounos - The chick that hosts ET on VH1...yeah that Greek Chick.....She is also the hot Nurse in fantastic four. I think her only line is "Oh, you're hot!" But anyways, she was really cool....and after her interview with ME tv, her entourage was talking to the ME people i was with, while I was excluded and being shy....but she kept looking at me for some reason...and then she stares dead at me and is like..."I feel like i know you from somewhere..." and then after a pause from everyone her publicist was like "Chris Evans much?" and she was like "YEAH!".....Chris Evans is the guy who plays the Human Torch, in Fantastic Four....so naturally I turned quite red, and thanked her for the compliment, and made mention of how only one part of my body can turn into fire.....I didn't really say that last thing. but she was hot.

2. Meeting Erykah Badu - After her performance, which did exclude "Tyrone", I was trippin' over her. And then we were hangin' backstage, trying to get interviews for ME....eventually she came our way.....And i just kinda looked at her and said "i love you." She replied, "I love you to baby...you were wonderful tonight" Not sure what that meant....Also the way she said "baby" sounded an awful lot like "Joey." Which kinda creeped me out at first. Maybe just for that night, she was angelic.

1. Working for ME - without ME, the majority of this shit would not have happened. I also worked there atleast 50 hours this week, with no pay. The guy i usually work with in editing said I was making a good impression......we will see how good it is, as I continue my quest for a job in my field.



What a great week.
It was nice to sleep and eat today...and have my eyes feel well rested instead of burning with exhuastion+arousal.

See you next year South By.

height issue

I've never given much thought to being pretty much a short guy. It never seemed to bother me growing up that much. I never wanted to play football. I got all the baseball I wanted. I could play hockey. I could play soccer. I did well enough in school.
I was pushed around quite a bit, but I seemed to be able to make friends with huge people who would have my back.
I can remember more than 5 times being shoved by taller guys, but I have never swung a punch at anyone (aside from my Daren). I guess that makes me a wimp? I always thought it made me level headed....but maybe that comes with being a person of inferior strength. I don't know.

Now im all grown up.......although still very childlike, and not very tall. But now I've just recently really started to notice the effects of not being very tall. Especially how it makes me feel on an interview or in the work place, or when i look at my bank statements (ha). I just have never taken into account how looking up at someone and trying to persuade them or tell them something important effects me, and my confidence, not to mention the volume and clarity of my voice. Not that i was ever particularly confident in the first place....I mean, Im a pretty fucking weird guy. A lot of what I say just doesn't fit into regular conversations with people....People look at me funny.....A lot.....I used to think people just didn't get it, but I'm coming to realize, I'm just way off the mark in a lot more ways than one.

When I'm sitting the effect is much less I think.
I would like to pretend to have used the scientific method and proved something here....but i dont feel like lying tonight.


I hate to take anything away from Blacks, Gays, Women, Fatties...etc., but this guy does.
The whole article just makes me feel like shit, it's pretty awesome. Words are cool.
Although the article states there are no redeeming values to being short, I found solace in the fact that Dustin Hoffman is 5'6".....He is a wonderful actor.

He played Hook for Godsakes.....


The article touches on some interesting dynamics, that ring so true. For instance...if a man short or tall doesn't take a stand or act in a given situation he is a wimp, however if a short man does take a stand there is an adverse reaction from people, and suddenly he has a a Napoleon complex.....or "Little Man Syndrome" as I've had thrown in my direction a handful of times.
Also the financial earnings of tall vs. short people, seems to be true as far as my experience goes, as well as my parents and family.

I guess we all have to deal with some shitty thing(s) about our appearance and the negative effects they have on our psyche and personalities.....


Just go ahead and call me and angry little white man.....so i can get mad about it.


can't wait to have that penis enlargement surgery....that might help.

dead and undead

Al Lewis died. I really liked the Munsters when I was a kid, so im actually kinda sad, despite not really enjoying the show anymore. People I looked up to, mimicked, and have been inspired by are dying every week. I suppose i will get used to it soon enough.
All this adult shit bores me.

I had this terrible dream. I actually went to hell. And it wasn't like toonish or full of metal music or anything stereotypical of pop-cultures comedic depictions of a hell.
It was basically just fire, as described in some books of the bible, combined with a never ending feeling of falling and burning....I woke up terribly spooked, and, as i do a few times a month, woke up not knowing who i am or what is real, which I think means im losing my mind earlier than others, but i just like to think im unique for atleast one little reason. Damn not knowing all the knowable....drives me nuts sometimes.

If you've ever had this type of dream (of going to hell) id love to hear some more about it.

I also had this weird dream about getting a very small tribal monkey tattoo on my upperlip, but slightly off center. In the dream i had asked for a cartoon curious-george type tattoo on my chest or something, which is fairly ridiculous too. After thinking about it, the lip tattoo has to be the worst tattoo idea ive ever heard.....short of tattooing your whole face a solid color......but that might even be less annoying to me than an off center tribal monkey tattoo on your upperlip. In the dream i was fretting over not being able to get a job like this (ha!) but then i justified it by creating a reality where luis had a bunch of chinese words written on his forehead, and maybe an outline of tennessee on there as well.....not sure....but he had a job still.


damn im odd
anyone i know interested in the stock market? oh wait i have no money.

video+internet

if you haven't figured it out already...ive started my very own video-blog/vlog....
Im still streamlining the process as it is definitely not as simple as typing and button clicking (although that's essentially what it is still)

Once I figure out the fastest way to do it, I'm sure it will be more interesting (hey i might even get some video of me masturbating or something). But for now, I put mostly just video from my camera up.

It took long enough...but video and the internet are now engaged. Thank goodness....
But its two-fold....as im realizing how in need i am of more internet skills...specifically html, xml, css, PS, DW, java....and all that other bullshit.

Damn this future world!......have you seen those floor panels with the projectors over them that allow you to play virtual soccer (or virtual spider squash) in the mall? its ridiculous.

apparently im normal

it's science....

i met st. anger

today i woke up and went into my new internship at Resolute Productions, a local production company concentrating in commercials and music videos. I'm just starting to learn the ropes there and figure out all my tasks and the nuances of the routine there, and Im feeling productive.
My boss, the guy who heads up a lot of the business management aspects of the company named Victor orders a pizza, things seem cool. Even Emily Giustini's older sister is there for some reason, apparently she is now a producer in town.

The pizza guy calls....he is lost and Victor went out. So the exectutive producer has to answer the phone. He is a quiet and extremely unfunny/serious individual. He has really weird hair...its black with several strands of grey, and mostly out of control. He doesn't dress well, as ive found most heads of production companies dont, because they dont have to impress anyone that works for them, and the people that are paying the company money i think feel less intimidated by poorly dressed creative types....but thats just an idea. Anyways...the pizza guy calls like twice, and apparently is being "ugly" to him, and after a little bit of posturing, he starts to chew this pizza guy out a little...not in the standard annoying customer kind of way (because he really didnt have anything to do with the pizza in the first place), but in this way which is difficult to describe...my first notion is to say the obvious "bossy"...but it wasn't just bossy....it was "the world revolves around my word..." but i think it was even worse...."i am GOD...deliver my pizza, even though i dont want the pizza." Yes...i was impressed by this.....

So eventually the pizza guy comes...he really is rather disagreeable, and never looks me in the eye, which i have become a big fan of recently. He is paid and sent on his way. I finish up a few tasks as i am about to leave anyway, and I get two slices of pizza, and check email.

Suddenly...the Exec. producer guy, who by the way is located upstairs in the office space (i can hear him but never see him), gets another phone call. He answers in a standard voice, seemingly unphased by the phone call where I thought he was going to literally rape the pizza guy through the line. He talks briefly to another a producer of a low budget video being shot in town about money and a standard operating procedure by which "all" companies work by. The man on the other end of the phone did not appreciate hearing about this standard procedure apparently, that his compliance was necessary for, nor did he like the Executive producers tone.............so he says it, "I don't like your tone"

From this point....its a bit of an audible blur....

This executive producer man gets angrier than ive seen anyone in my entire life. His voice volume goes up to like 33Db, and he uses the word fuck like it is supposed to be used. He literally explodes upstairs for about 15 minutes straight.

his chorus went something like this "WHERE DO YOU FUCKING GET OFF FUCKING TELLING ME YOU DONT LIKE MY FUCKING TONE...WE ARE FUCKING SPENDING OUR FUCKING MONEY ON THIS FUCKING SHIT AND I HAVEN'T SEEN A FUCKING DIME FROM YOU GUYS. IM USING 3000 DOLLARS OF OUR FUCKING MONEY, AND THATS FUCKING BULLSHIT. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? YOU THINK I NEED YOU AND THIS SHIT. I DONT. THIS FUCKING VIDEO IS OFF...YOU WRITE ME CHECK NOW MOTHERFUCKER"

Things were being thrown around, although i have no idea what, except for a cup with liquid in it....I think...

I sat and continued to eat my pizza in awe........and then after it was done. I got up, looked at Victor, and said "i will definitely be back on wednesday."


I dont ever want to work there for money....but i definitely want to be that mad about something one day...

truly lost

maybe not truly...but mostly today.

As days go by laying about in unemployment and mild depression, I'm conjuring up the energy to explicate on this safe standby - my ol' blog.
I'm broke.
I've never been this broke before atleast not with such a sour attitude about it. Its hard not to when your peers live in such a stark contrast. Someone lied to me along this line of choices I've made. I assume that person is myself, but I would like to blame others. Why was no one there to stop me with this? How did I fool everyone and myself into believing I was cut out for this shit, and that I could make it in this industry...this city...this life out here. Whats more disturbing is that im saying this now, but in less time than you think, I will be back on my own bullshit bandwagon. "I can do it...just a few more months..." I'll say..."your break is coming" "you dont need to go back to school."

I'm already doing it.....

Dreams of making it big...moving to LA...traveling to New York...buying things I don't need....eating name-brand apple jacks.....................it all keeps me hungry I guess.

It's just hard to turn this hunger into motivation that churns out product. Working for nothing....i can do it...i can't do it on my own. An example would be the quarter of the way written scripts I have.....The lack of any produced idea I've had since graduating. Maybe that isn't entirely true...(what are blogs for if not a place to beat yourself up)

I think maybe its been tough due to not knowing what to do exactly...except everything. "Hey"..."I can do that." I can work radio promotions, i can cut outdoorsman sport videos, i can produce that music video, i can make television, i can write that script, i can record those voices, i can make that dvd, i can do that photo retouching, i can animate your website, i can act, i can get on stage and be funny, i can bring you lunch, i can take your order, i can drive that pizza.....'taint no thing sir. I'll do it all. Fuck it. I think wanting to do this all had led me to believe I would make a great producer, if I was slightly better with people, which I may be eventually with some more experience (which I have to earn with no pay)

I hope this all makes me a better person.....I hear its supposed to....I hear everyone in hollywood has something to talk about because everyone there has been through an inordinate amount of BS to get where they are. I look forward to that day, sitting over an overpriced decaf explaining the night in the hood i spent watching camera equipment in the dark for 4 hours for no money in the cold, cleaning out 20 year old abandon buildings in mexico full of spiders bigger than my hands, getting lunch orders wrong for famous documentarians and watching these humanitarians flip out about a gyro, or actually working for American Idol.

Until then I'll be here...at this computer jockeying tunes, biding my time, looking at funny casual encounters ads on craigslist, masturbating....waiting for the next job to apply to.


eventually everyone has to pay............me.
so lost.




ps. go steelers

updating

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filmology

alright...a list from me.

duh. movies.


10. june bug - this sort of snook up on me. I saw it out of the blue. And in that first moment of seeing the oddly lit forrest with a oh-so-modern title on top of it, i immediately hated it....and the whole movie had to work against that hate for the rest of the entire film....but it never quit and somehow won me over totally. I love the "going back to your roots" subgenre....and this one put a definite twist on it. I Also loved the artwork. I have a friend in new york who does similar work oddly enough. Also this red headed girl is really awesome as a dense southern pregnant girl. Very good stuff.


9. A History of Violence - A movie that I watched despite disliking everything about the trailer. Drama isn't usually my thing. But the genius of the director really draws you in. I didn't particularly think Viggo Mortenson was all that great....but he plays the chracter properly enough....I really like the woman in the film, i forget her name. And again...great direction....you can just read it. Scorsese and shit.

8. Sky High - Pure fun. Kurt Russell is tight. Its got a lot of kids in the hall people in it. And everyone is a superhero....i promise you this will be better than X3.

7. The aristocrats - A documentary what? Didn't know what this movie was about when i watched this. Boy was I ecstatic to find its a movie about grotesque language.....or "a joke." I laughed really really hard at a couple of the stories...and I dont think I laughed quite that hard all year long.......in a theater atleast. Plus Doug Stanhope....Bob Sagat....George Carlin.......yeah....

6. Elizabethtown - I really like the style of cameron crowe....probably more than I know. I think Almost Famous has a lot more influence on me than I originally thought. Music driven film...i love it. Again...a movie about "going home to your roots." A lot of moments that ring really true with me. And a better soundtrack than garden state....mos def.

5. Sin City - Fucking awesome. pushing the boundaries of film. the characters are really cool. Guns and chicks...thats all you need. the new dvd with the recuts broken down into pieces make it so much fun to watch.

4. 40 yr old virgin - steve carrell gets to be the number one guy...yeah! Paul Rudd gets to be in another all out comedy...and he is great again....hope to see more. Very intelligent script...in that slapstick sort of way. Im starting to be able to tell that comedy writers exist in my generation...and we find the exact same things funny. Also...this was a terrible Ferrell year....save "mom, wheres the meatloaf" and "springtime for hitler" and this movie didn't have him in it...which was cool i thought.

3. King Kong - Wow. Everyone I usually watch movies with didn't like it that much. And not one person i know didn't say "it was too long" except for my dad.....idunno what that means. But it is not so long that i would complain about it....on one viewing. On two viewings back to back....with little sleep...maybe it is a little long in the middle.....but whatever....its fucking so great. fuck you if you dont love it.

2. Batman Begins - Dood. I love batman more than any other comic book character. A lot of people do...but hey...he is the best one. Christopher Nolan did amazing with this shit. If you watch the making of docs on the dvd....you realize just how far filmmaking has come since 1989's Batman. I like this one better as an overall movie than all the burton ones...but the character work for the burton films are just a hair more interesting....but here....batman gets centerstage...which was just as enjoyable most of the time.

1. Hustle and Flow - Im sorry...but this movie "owns" as they say. Despite the main character being such a lowlife, you root for him..and even when he has to beat the shit out of a bitch...you understand! and thats why this movie and a lot of movies are great....Plus the themes of getting out of proverty by any means necessary really reflect my life as of late. Its inspiring. More so than anything else i saw all year. Plus ludacris is good in it. Plus the songs should probably win academy awards...and if they aren't atleast nominated ill be highly offended. i now respect crunk.


things missing: walk the line, roll bounce, wedding crashers, the island, charlie and the chocolate factory, four brothers, war of the worlds....those were all varying degrees of good too......ill mention that walk the line had the best acting i saw all year....

i didnt really hate anything this year....i was dissappointed with fantastic four and Dukes of Hazzard and that harry potter movie...
***correction...i hated kicking and screaming

things i really need to watch still apparently......family stone, brokeback mountain, munich, syriana, constant gardner, millions, devils rejects, kiss kiss bang bang, good night and good luck, capote, match point, howls moving castle, the new world, ice harvest?....and probably a few others......most of these scream rental though....




happy new year internet....