apple time

goodbie PC.
you have been good to me. I will see you now and then...but our relationship is predominately over....i hope you are not bitter.

yeah...im an apple computer owner.

anyways...
to speak on my life briefly (no doubt ive put you few dedicated readers on hold for long enough)...ive never been so emotionally strung out.
since getting back together with jenny...my mental state has been quite the rollercoaster....the highs that can be categorized with the best of moments, juxtaposed with the lowest moments i think ive ever felt.
and i also lost all my classes, and must do late registration.....
so that fucking sucks...

i feel like my life somehow turned into drama....of which im not a fan of.....

ive learned...or learning rather, to accept the fact that people are people....and i dont live in a fantasy world or a movie.....no one is filming me to watch later for entertainment...
i realized this a lot as i finished watching Peter Pan (the new adaptation in theaters).....the the movie is spectacular....but my realization was depressing....and i will continue to deal with this....and will try to be myself when dealing with life........this is not to say movies dont have a shit load of influence on who i am......because i can never get rid of that.

ive also had to trust jenny a lot more than i have ever trusted anyone......because if i dont, i will be miserable...its weird....and it sucks....
but more so than that....i have to trust God.....but thats always been the case.

and all this dramatic tension is a kind i thought i would never experience....but it doesn't pan out like a movie or television series......and i deal

music seems to make too much sense....atleast the lyric/poetry part......to where im sick of it, but cant get enough....

im happy in general, but its time to get my shit together....
as always....

i may come off as a loser....but i dont care.

an imaginary list

i dont know if it was elliot's lists or watching high fidelity too much over the past month....but i made a list of things i would like to do if reality was not in existence.

film editor or director....startling comedies with a hint of psychodrama....chasing amy meets rear window or soemthing weirder......maybe 80s horror

tv program director/producer....solid job....getting to work with my favoirte type of technology everyday

inventor.....hopefully of teleportation

a pastor-teacher...teaching the word of god to a lot of people....has to be gratifying

a critic....get my own show...and write books about film or music

farmer of cattle...or "rancher" i guess....in texas....right before barbwire was invented, and on through

hip hop artist...in either 1983 or 1988.......or inbetween i guess

a rock star.......but not a grunge....or old-metal or glamrock....too image based...too many drugs, not that rock and roll was at some pointin time, not drugs......

a pirate....rum and guns and swords = painless death....and the chance to fight peter pan...if i was stationed in NeverNeverland

or a genie......make people happy, or trick them into making wishes they dont want....which would make me happy....ahhhahahahahha

i would except anyone of those.

i feel like shit...in a carseat.....but i can talk!

broke my hart in sam clams' disco

i fucked up.

"your hurt, your hurt real fuckin bad. But the good thing about a shot in the belly is it takes a very long time to die from it"

i will fucking prevail
i will fucking prevail
i will fucking prevail

thank you jesus christ for everything.

i have tasted stolen tacos

i dont really have anything to say, atleast nothing life changing..(but whats new?)....im tired of looking at that last post (what was i thinking?).
Update on my life....ive been single for like 3 weeks, and that is continuing to be very weird...
We had a party this past saturday, it was pretty crazy....and i assume it made a 8 or so on Paul's cool party scale.....mostly because he took too many greens...meh, a woman put him to shame, its shameful. Me, personally, actually got people, besides people from Katy, to come, and i was semi-pleased with myself. Fun, blah blah....i still question its existence....not really.
I worked the UTvsTech football game, and i liked it....and i like it when i watch football and like it....so it was liked. However, i did not enjoy the John Meyer concert which i worked last night. He is very boring, and somehow stretched out one albums worth of music into 2 hours and 10 minutes....then proceded to tell us he was going to sign autographs but waiting 2 hours after to concert to see the crowd, when only the most ugly of the uglies were left to get his John Hancock all over their shit-merchandise....he blows. He also does not impress me with back to back repetitive guitar solos, and saying "....Austin..." atleast 10 times to get his fans/women to pop all night.

uh....gotta write a 8 page paper about "X".....no, not "X2"...."X".....the one with scary black men.
This weekend i must film in katy, then return there the next wednesday to edit this film...hopefully.....unless God hates me.

time will tell the tale

something nice: "good luck with the rest of your semester, if you do that kinda thing"

dear God

i love you.
but on a side note...
jeez....this new zebrahead album is coming at a good time for me.
its reminded me of thoughts i never think about anymore. Its rock music that enrages me. and i like it.

i guess it taps into more juvenile ideas...
i will always be an angsty teen at heart.

maybe not.

Shit.

I think i found some truths in the doctrine of the Nation of Islam, kinda. I like their idea of the "percentages" of people. like...how 10% of mankind are the Corporate fuckers, 85% are the deaf dumb and blind, and 5% are the poor righteous teachers. It kind of falls in line with my Robot theory....if youve ever heard me talk about people being robots, im mostly just talking about people so dumb that i question whether they are real or not. Like everyone they pick for MTV shows, all those dating shows, QVC, reality series's, people who think 'the OC' is quality entertainment, etc....those people make me wonder (just kidding all you OC-ers out there). But the nation of islam, if you leave out all the racial stuff, like believing that african americans are rulers of all races and are simply in a state of punishment, under white rule. If you disreguard that...its just like a lot of religions. Comforting mostly. But seriously, i dont know if it is 5% exactly, but sometimes its easy to look and think "fuck, im surrounded with stupidity,"........but then maybe you are just being self righteous. So, by me/you thinking were smarter than a majority of people, were just passing off needless judgement, and im coming off as dicks.
I tend to base all jugements on actions, and i think most peoples actions dont reflect what they think when they are alone....im probably a prime example of this, maybe......but because i dont know if i should judge people by actions or thoughts, i guess i should not pass judgement at all......and follow this NOI thing, and just teach.......
not that i want to be a NOI member or anything....i just think they have a decent theory......not really a 'good' theory....but decent, i guess just "decent" because by agreeing with this percentage theory, you are kind of passing judgement on people inheirently....and God should be the only judge right? But then again...in the NOI, the members believe they are gods, or a part of god....(hence the fading trend of calling people "G," g for god)

its good to think about not judging people, and i think its possible to minimize it....but its pretty impossible to not do it entirely.....its just too fun.....atleast in a mild manor to people who do outlandishly stupid things......

HipHop is crazycool...ya

and in "celebration" of the Matrix3 coming out today...here is a little hip hop article making reference to it, but instead of Neo we have the new-school rapper, and.....well, you get it....you are smart.

"Suppose our artist embarked on a pilgrimage to break bread with a seasoned, old-school Hip-Hop legend and discuss his lingering uneasiness with the state of the business -- despite the millions he could potentially earn from recording mediocre, radio-friendly Rap songs? What if their conversation went something like this?

Old-School Rapper: I know exactly why you're here. You know something. What you know you can't explain. You sense that there's something wrong with the Hip-Hop industry. Do you know what I'm talking about?

New-School Rapper: I think so. The Hip-Hop Matrix?

Old-School Rapper: True indeed. The Hip-Hop Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us, even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television -- especially if it's tuned to BET between 3 and 8 p.m. weekdays. You can feel it when you go to the clubs, when you drive in your car, and when you go to the mall. It is the wool that has been pulled over your eyes and ears to shield you from the truth.

New-School Rapper: What truth?

Old-School Rapper: That you are a slave, New-School Rapper, helping to build a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for the mind. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Hip-Hop Matrix is. You have to experience it for yourself. (Old-School Rapper produces a box and opens it, revealing a blue microphone and a red microphone.) You take the blue mic and you instantly return to the world of commercial success and the perceived rewards that come with it. Your singles will receive heavy rotation on every major urban radio station across the country. You will receive numerous awards and accolades, as well as product endorsements and movie deals. You might even be granted the opportunity to launch a clothing line. However, if you take the red mic, you will see the light of knowledge, wisdom and overstanding. You will feel compelled to share this knowledge through the power of your words -- the power of the mic. Only then will you truly be free. Remember, all I'm offering is the truth, nothing more ... "

i thought it was neat....hmm.....now what should i name this post?...::ponders for awhile::

changes (in the house of tupac)

weird how everything can suddenly alter as it has in the past week or so. Kind of like putting on blue lens glasses, and leaving them on for awhile. Everything seems weird, but its all really the same and you are just annoyed by them.
The weather is with me. Although its done this change stuff before, i have not in a couple of seasons. The sun moves furthur away from the earth, and that must be a lonely feeling after hanging out for a summer. So we all grow cold.
i must be as amiable as possible, and its easy with the heavy weight of melancholy on my back. Yet killing someone has never seemed so easy, only if it were the nice thing to do though. Like, if i go deaf, or lose all my eyes....please shoot me....i wont mind.
But change is good right? not really, unless you change everyday...then not changing is a change........im confusing myself, and thats why language is overrated.
blah blah.
Everything new is already dead today, even this homework.

Deftones in excess is probably bad for everyone. But its aiding me in feeling emotion at all...which is something I usually don't have. I feel as though im becoming part of the monotonous robot party, and i have to stop that shit at all costs.
my future looks like a mysterious silhouette, but with beautifully backlit shoulders....now would be a great time for me to be in an aggro rock band in 1997...i could really have shown them all.

maybe a few meatphysical quotes to go in line with my post so far:
push back to square, now that you need her...but you dont. Because back in school, we are the leaders of all.
i could float here forever...




you're still my passenger

a boy to raise at a young age, no help from him, but she's alive.

im moderately sad right now. i can do that right?

single mothers make me sad....Really mothers in general. I cant imagine what being a woman with a child is like. "Baking" it for nine months, then watching it grow until you die. Its a miracle, i guess....but it has to be painful in many strange ways that are probably beyond me now. Im sure there are joyous moments in parenting, otherwise people wouldn't do it right?
What strange animals we are....chosen by god to rule, its crazy, ya?
ever wonder what it would be like if our bodies didn't mature, we just got exponentially bigger? Sex would be freakish.
but anyways, I think "love" is based on investment, and our willingness to defend things weve invested in. Like...initial attraction to something is crucial...and then you invest in it....whether it be with money, time, a kidney, sperm....well maybe not sperm....its kind of easily disposable in a lot of cases
after that i think im willing to defend it to the death....unless the thing changes drastically or you change drastically...or something comes along with a similar attraction that seems better....but you wont stop defending the first thing.
Like....say i hear a song. I purchase the album which has the song on it.....im more likely, because i bought it, to defend it's quality....because ive already spent 15 bucks on it, so i must defend my purchase.
Maybe this is just how i operate.


im one of those people who wants to be put in situation in which i can die for others, i guess because i have invested 20 years in living with people of the world. But im not the kind of person that wants to not make fun of you when you trip while walking....or when you cry.

norah jones has a sexy singing voice, but i think im going deaf.

is god being a gentleman, and backing out of our lives, as we have requested?


::questions whether i should have written anything at all::

waiting for noon

maybe you dont know this about me, but i rarely ever eat a meal before 12. I think its my little way of fasting in the morning, so that i feel i have control over food and my human urge to eat. Its a healthy habit in my opinion. So fuck you and your yankee blue jeans.
School, just now, seems to be getting started in my head. I may have said i was busy prior to this week, but i was just bullshitting all of you. ha. Probably still am, what do i know, im just a doctor. I think i need to take more than 12 hours next semester....definitely.
I purchased yet another hiphop album, the new hieroglyphics album, "full circle"...i didn't go to their show last week, so i felt i owed them the money...im a good fan/comrad. (is that how you spell that?...its a bad reference to communism anyway). But Anyways, it is pretty "dope," much more straighforward hiphop than say the outkast album, less concentration on being different, and more so on being fun and tearing up the tracks with 'killer' rhymes. There are a bunch of them (members) that contribute to create a great mix of styles, so the album never really slumps, it seems to always be on the level. Whether or not you like the level, is entirely up to you. As compared to the other stuff by hiero, there are a few songs with really cool beats, and crispier production. They seems to be obsessed with sampling orchestrated music. I think. Its not my favorite in the world, but if you like them....idunno
whatev...
School of ROck is a really good movie. I think, if it was PG, it would have more of a chance of infiltrating young minds trapped in a pop world and actually bringing back the rocknroll spirit that it plays tribute to, in a new generation. I wish i was 10 and got to watch this movie. It would have been a crap load coolerer.
Kill Bill comes out friday....but i am working the Shrine Circus all weekend long.......so i doubt ill have time to see it with you.
SOrry to keep on with movies (its kinda my life) but I also watched, for the first time ever, a Spike Lee movie...called "do the right thing"...........i think it was the right thing to watch it. Its a movie about race issues, basically....but with a terrrribly ambiguous ending, that leaves a white person like myself a little queasy....but i think thats exactly what spike lee wants to do. i think i walked away with a general feeling that violence is not good, and that spike lee is a NY film school student....i think.

Also...i went to that wedding in dallas i may have mentioned before...and i partied like a rockstar....for the first time ever. And i have determined i was born to dance.

oh shit......its noon.

shake it like a polaroid picture

I feel sorry for people who are already washed up at my age. I shouldn't feel sorry for anyone, but i do. I only say this because I saw the ugly girl that works at albertsons with her two children, one in a stroller....stuck in the grass on riverside, on my way home from school. She seemed terribly frustrated with them. I couldn't help but think, "stop fucking assholes in high school." But i guess that would have been not only moot, but assuming she is unhappy and out of wedlock.....which may not be true at all. But it sucks that for some reason, whilst in highschool, certain people felt like retirement was around the corner and became habitually experimental...i guess. But who am i to judge....
Yesterday i learned some of the origins of white/rock music versus rap muzik from this cool book called "black noise." Often times you will hear fans of one type hating on the other.....but the differences lie within simple history (aside from "color"). African music is based on repetition, while western european music is based on progression. And that is that.....so if you hate one or the other, its because you prefer progression over repetition or vice versa. So the argument has ended.
I think i prefer a mix of the two, a good mix.
Editing went well this past weekend, soon the beast will be tamed. Now i must start on buliding sound clips for my audio soundscape project.



also.....i suck, and need only death for my crimes against myself.....but the weather is so fantastically spectacular it's not bothering me. But no one has promised another day.

BLOOD in my spit

I went out and bought the new Outkast album, at the midnight sale at tower last night. Im not sure why, i think the idea of splitting the duo into two seperate acts...yet still technically together just sounds really refreshing for popular hip hop. Or maybe i just needed something to keep me from masturbating in my free time. idunno, It is pretty good though....i haven't listened to much of Big Boi's side, but the Andre side is one of the best hiphop things ive heard i think. Maybe its because its a concept album...or all about soul/love....or the incredible mix of production techniques. Some really cool things going on here. These are just initial reactions.........plus I dont listen to a lot of full length hiphop albums.....so maybe its not as innovative as i think it is......but compared to most of the popular hiphop on the radio....this blows it out of the water....opens your skull and poors evian on your brain kinda stuff.
Also Hieroglyphics will be coming out with a new album, and will be in austin this coming tuesday.
The Coup is another crew out of oakland.....highly politicized......a few decent songs. What interested me about them was the cover of one of their albums was released around september 11 and it featured the group using explosives on the world trade center, but was immediately pulled post-thefact. They hate america....and they also have a song called "my friend jesus the pimp" or something like that. That kind of turned me off of them....already.
Im sick feeling today.....i think its a weird sinus infection, that has concentrated itself in my mucos membrane creating a lot of weird euphoria due to pressure, i think. I dont know, i think it has caused me to do poorly on my first Ethnic Groups and Communications test. It felt easy, but i wasn't all there. Big classes always use too much multiple choice. I enjoy the short answer, most of the time. and i like it when i cough up blood...its satisfying

Did you know that Super 8mm cameras run under 20 dollars on ebay, normally?
Ill be purchasing one soon enough......it is a cheap addition to my army of cameras. And it probably is loads of fun. loads people...loads.

John Stamos

new 311 single will be Beyond the Gray Sky.......but is Lance happy?

Find Out If You Are John Stamos!

currently wearing black

i never listened to johnny cash much, until about a year ago. I kinda picked it up, and made some sort of connection with his selfloathing rockabilly songs about being down and out or hardworking in some rustic part of the country. I guess everyone feels alone and angry, woeful, beaten, sometimes....or maybe more. Maybe half of ones life, for a lot of people. I can remember my dad hearing his tracks being played on the radio, imparticularly "boy named sue," and my dad explaining his lyrics in elementary terms. I think my dad had a mild obsession with him as a kid/teen (maybe i could be reading into it a bit much), but never really wanted to get me on the bandwagon i guess....probably because of the content of some the songs, or maybe they were personal to him, or maybe my mom was just bitchy. i dont know. But i can always picture that gaze he gets when listening to music like johnny cash's. Even though some of his songs are really fictional or about drug abuse (etc), and often sound kind of upbeat....somehow they really connect with my dad....he likes really old country music....most recently ive seen my dad look like this when he discovered Metallica's "unforgiven II." That was a weird week. He also likes their new album...but that is besides the point. Johnny Cash is dead. I dont know about his faith, accept for the fact that he had fought with it......but now he is in Gods headlights. whatever the fuck that means. Whats weirde is that yesterday i was watching an old "Columbo" episode, and Johnny Cash was the guest star.

I think i would listen to cash's "sunday morning coming down" as a tribute.

john ritter is dead too. charles bronson died the other day...........3 seems more of a crowd right now.

as cool as herpes

shit. I have not had internet in so long. Shitty shitty apartment complex is to blame. oh well.
Here we are, a couple of weeks into my junior year and i haven't downloaded any lot of porn from a particular actress that was on howard stern the night before. What kind of college life is that. One in which my cell phone was getting way too many calls. thats for sure.

anyways. this year is going to be awesome, or atleast it has started out that way. Im taking 12 hours, and i enjoy thoroughly 9 of them (save spanish). My Rhetoric of Hip Hop is going to be awesome. As the "summer of rock" is fading...and with downloading available again....i think im ready to slip into some hardcore hiphopping. So if anyone knows of a good hip hop night at the Jazz or something lemmekno. My other favored class is my Intro to production and sound (rtf class)....yes, finally after two years and a summer of pages upon pages, im being asked to created something aesthetically pleasing for a grade. Yet, because i go to UT, im not given any supplies to work with, and must pay for everything on my own. This cuts out my budget for joining the UFA again, until money permits. The other class is a study on ethnic and cultural differences and its postition in media. This class seems cool, and i hope by the end of the semester, i am able to recognize destructive rascism, and not allow it to creep into my personal projects that i hopefully will be doing in the future.

still editing summer projects. will be done soon enough.

so much to do. so much to do it with.

"big truck" -coal chamber

i wrote a long post about how i got run off the road by an 18 wheeler and survived, on my way back from austin, in the storm, earlier today.

so.....thanks god

however, it got erased, and web logging can be a waste of time. Must shower and film now.



Andrew wk is next monday.
I moved out of my apartment....it was 'drrty'.

this is bat country, again

so "they" are going to (god willing) make another Hunter S. Thompson book adaptation. So all the people i know who worship Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas will be very excited to know that Benicio Del Toro himself will be directing thompson's The Rum Diary, i think its one of his earlier books. They are trying to sign johnny depp, nick nolte, and for some reason josh hartnett to the project.......i guess terry gilliam is too busy this time.

poser forever

apparently i am the biggest poser of anyone i know.

You're Thailand!

Calmer and more staunchly independent than almost all those around you,
you have a long history of rising above adversity.  Recent adversity has led to questions
about your sexual promiscuity and the threat of disease, but you still manage to attract a
number of tourists and admirers.  And despite any setbacks, you can really cook a good
meal whenever it's called for.  Good enough to make people cry.
face="Times New Roman">Take the Country
Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

you want a ride? RIDE THIS!

well. It came down.
evolver
its hard for me to start even with the simplest review.
i know 311 is not important. They have no significance to the world of modern rock anymore....the rap/rock gimmick has worn off in the bands mind and in the general public's. Its been 8 years since they hit it big with that second single "down" and then "all mixed up".....6 years since the commercial failure (yet musical acheivment...depending on how you see it) of the followup "transistor".........so those days are long gone. Since then, the band has been on a ride into what should have been their death. But they are still here. Why have they lasted so long? theyre cheap, theyre chili pepper knock offs, white rappers from omaha, washed up hacks. fuck em, right?
well i dont really fucking care why they are here...but they are here, and are damn good.
i think its their connection with their fans that they have established since their inception that has kept them alive. Its inspired them to make these past three albums with almost a since of wrting a lover letter to their people or maybe the human race in general (their hippy sides coming out). (maybe im just being selfish........alot of them are getting married and stuff now.....so i guess they have other stuff to write about. whatever...)
Evolver is prolly the most lovely of these "post-platinum days"...
It seems to throw away all technicality, all cheesiness, and all those little references to pot.....and it just takes a deep breath of the most refreshing air it can find and exhales.
I think the title is appropriate....its the next step for them. I guess when you are 33 you find a groove very different from the one you would find if you were 23. They are progressing nicely as a professional band, no gimicks here. Theyve become a solid band that knows how to fucking write a song, play it perfectly, have fun with it, and bring it to the masses.

my emotional attachment to this group of guys enhances 3 fold....i continue to grow/evolve with their music.

You got your rockers, you got your romps, you got your reflection, you got your love.......melodies and harmonies all up in dis. All the instrumentals are just crisp, like a freshly opened dr. pepper...or whatever your preferred soft drink is...and everything just sounds so clean to me.......i cant really imagine 311 ever sitting down and saying "lets try to impress people with technicality"...but if they did it would be totally not what their about, but it would be interesting.

i think the highlights of the album are SA and Nicks vocals...theyve broadened their horizons......and Tims guitar...its so much more present in this album than any other, save transistor i suppose.

Everyones bound to like something about this album. unless your an elitist.


But anyway....went to south padre.....i boozed hardcore. Went to austin....bizarro world. everything was backwards.

who cut the provolone?

man oh war, ive had a stressful past few weekdays...
this search for a semi-pro video camera was more intense than i had originally planned.
At first i thought i was gonna save alot......but when i wisened up, realizing this must be 'too goo to be true,'...I read some reviews of shady 3rd party sites, and their faulty practices...i found that they are a pile of shit. And i have to actually look for a good deal AND a good place to buy. which was taxing.
Apparently in NYC, there are alot of online photoshops that use, so called bait and switch techniques along with all kinds of other bad stuff on the array of being a bad sales site. Then i tried ebay.....but....thats too much stress and i can never make a good decision, esp when time is a factor, and considering the amount of money im dealing with online. So i crawled back to amazon.com. I found someone selling one slightly under 2 grand and with a warranty, and the american version, and with a battery, and with an english manual, and with a return policy, and it wasn't coming out of NYC.....

it came from florida...
my birthstate.

im free, im fucking free

i love all five of you

im really sun burned...

kerry posted this...
it makes my free-spirit angry, so go sign it

big trouble in little katy

im having trouble getting this videocamera...damn internet retail and their layers of lies.
But i will get it. NO DOUBT
im going to the "hill country" this afternoon...for a relaxing and sickening weekend away from everything.........except jenny and her family....and the "hill country"

johnny depp is cool....and is 40
11 days til new 311...Super Joint Ritual....and KISS..................everyones getting on the 7/22 bandwagon, and im callin' shotgun/waguespack
Im begining to become very excited, as i usually do. I know i will be fulfilled soon. And for all you untrue-believers out there...for the first time ever, there will exist a 311 album in which there is no name dropping, which i guess means minimal hiphop influence.
Although god probably looks down upon enjoying something so much that is not him....the members of 311 are people/souls, and people are not satan, nor earth. Therefore by liking 311, im, sort of, just inpersonally loving all mankind. word.
But is hating radiohead AND nirvana a sin?

can i jump out of your second story window?

worth $1500?

the past two days

somehow...i deleted all the code for my entire website. Luckily i had my website open and was able to view the source, or whatever, and was able to get all the code back. thank heaven.
For awhile...i was just like "fuck having a website" but then i started longing for it, and began trying to fix it.
And i did...
i wanted to change alot of things, but realizing that there is greatness in simplicity, i decided to just tweak a couple of things.
i think i end up just making my text smaller...but still, it seems refreshing to me.
went and saw T3
it is a good action movie....and because it is a 3rd installment, i didn't expect much. Fucking arnold is like 56, so i REALLY wasnt expecting anything at all.....but ofcourse i was surprised by prtty much everything except Nick Stahl, he kinda sucked.
Its a very good story, with some interesting action, and also some interesting paradoxes about destiny/timetravel...and all that jazz. Much more humor added to the begining...i guess so you are not given time to thing "this exactly what happens in all these stupid movies!"
I still like judgement day better, even with that really hot terminator trying to woo me, in this one.....
its weird how theyve waited like a decade between these three movies and it still sells.
T3>matrix reloaded (3 fold)

Oh ya...i added a link to the tard blog. It is very funny, you must read a few posts. atleast the ones with "agusta" in the title. It almost (almost...) makes me want to be a teacher of a sort, because of how interesting and funny these women make teaching retarded children seem, which is a phase i occasionally go through and something ive always thought of as some sort of civil, fulfilling backup plan for my life.
But really....its so funny and surprisingly not offensive to, seemingly, most people....
hmm, maybe not

thanks elliot

a balanced breakfast

my sister is bad. She escaped from my parent's home yesterday for a hot night on the town until around 3 in the morning. My mom heard her leave, with her keen mothers ears and she waited for her to come home...after locking all the doors and windows...
She is like one of those popular kids who will get really burnt/cracked out by the time she graduates...."sex, booze, and rap muzak 4 eva" is her chosen slogan.

This weekend was neat i guess...went to an astros game. Which is always somewhat fun in a not so fun kind of way. I dont like to watch baseball that much, yet i get involved in the game....probably in order to take out my annoyances from my day to day life on fucking stupid sports players that screw up occasionally......perhaps thats why they get paid so much.

28 days later was excellent. I heard beforehand that it had all been done on DV, which is exciting for a DV enthusiast like me. I like film, but i think breaking conventions is always a cool feeling. Once everything you see in a theater is shot on DV then it will suddenly be cool to use film again....its the way 'cool' goes. I think the main reason this particular film was all on DV, was completely for cost purposes...
Danny boyle, being fairly indy, doesn't get a great amount of money for his films, i assume...so he prolly spent most of the dough on all those expensive city locations you see in the begining, when the human race seems to be gone except for our main character, jim, who after waking up in a hospital, naked, is a bit confused about where everyone is. Then he runs into some people and stuff happens....zombie movie type stuff, i dont feel like getting into it. I thought the plot was surprisingly pretty cool for a zombie movie, lots of cool little foreshadowing, and a nice tempo....and the various social commentary works a little.......but its still a zombie movie. And the zombies vomit blood, and it is excellent!
The music also is pretty good, a few indy bands that elliot knew of provided most of it....the only one i could pick out was godspeed you black emperor.......Music i can never listen to in real life, but is definitely good for setting a mood.

There is a new foofighter video for "low," that has been banned from mtv...check it out

reminds me of that scary UK commercial for Aphex Twin's drukqs or whatever....if youve seen that....not as scary though.

CradleOfFilth=SellOuts

the woman who smokes marlboro red 100s just walked in and im reminded of yesterday. Yesterday, i found out Darens grandmother died. Its very unsettling, being able to hear the distraught in his voice, and grief in his eyes. Her death seems to have brought out some bitterness, but maybe its a healthy bitterness....only for the fact that its been directed at his family in one way or another and he is letting loose some of the pinned up anger.
She died of emphesema....or atleast i was under the impression that was the main thing.....and if youve ever seen anyone dying of emphasema, you never want to touch a cigarrette again....until your drinking atleast.
Its weird to me seeing my best friend shredded to shit inside....This is like, his first experience as an adult (and not a small non-understanding child) with a death in the family. I've had like 8 or 9 deaths in my family...5 i can remember......but i was born with an abnormal amount of great/grandparents. Sadly, the death thats bothered me the most was probably my dog Rebel. He spent 14 years of my life with me, and was a very good friend through alot of troubling childhood stuff. I hated moving to a different town nearly every year of my life...it wasn't easy for me. Oh well......ill be attending darens grandma's funeral on friday, i think. Shes kickin it now, knowing all the knowable and shit....with god. So im jealous.

I put up a pool table in my garage...it is cool, but hot.
The Hulk is fucking amazing....Ang Lee took a comic character and turned it into a highly stylized art film about inner demons. And i love that take on the character, because along with the editing and colors, it has the same feel of the comic. I was happy it wasn't an all-out summer popcorn movie.....A lot of people i know, that love movies and comics didn't like this movie, and i just dont understand it, so fuck them.
The Hulk character is awesome and also fucking hilarious, to me....esp when he does wrestling stuff.
The new 311 single, "creatures (for awhile)" is great...and this album is going to be better than anything theyve done before, i believe.

i want to eat ranch dressing....only

rubardo

i think this site needs an overhaul
i actually looked at it for the second day in a row, it seems to have lost its flare. But then again, what flare did it really begin with? i dont know...its just drab.
No one reads this crap over the summer anyway...i guess i should relearn some dumby-html on blogger...they seem to have gotten their shit together...

Im going to start reading a book soon...i think it will be "johnny got his gun"...most famous for the independent film from the 60s (i believe...perhaps 50s?) that was spliced with the first metallica video appropriately titled, "one."

Today i feel normal again...ive felt carefree today, excited, talkative, humorous, strange, estranged, and aroused........so im getting back in the swing of being a swingin' human being.

Im also very excited about this new short film ive been working on...i think its going to be insane!
The plot: Man eats bad mexican food, begins hallucinating, and is haunted by childhood toy.
Tagline: Childhood is dead.

FUCK childhood....

i go crazy just like you i do

well...
i haven't posted in a stillborns lifetime which may be nothing, but whatever im gross...
so...
ill post now...
As you can tell by the previsou post...ive been working a shitload at my fathers work.
Thinking about life, existence...as always. Its become mroe puzzling than ever, but i think my faith in god has increased immensely....eveything sorta became real (and in a way not real)....
my main question now is why does anything exist?
what purpose does anything have?
i think dying will answer so many questions to all these crappy thoughts that can plague your life....it will be like opening an infinite amount of eyes to everything ever...
which is a bad explanation

But anyways...im not feeling so depressed about anymore, and im not obsessiing...so im happy now

So much good music has flooded into the world recently...i haven't even had time get to know it all...

as soon as the deftones album came out, it sudddenly was eclipsed by the monster that is the new metallica cd.
St Anger.....is good. If you like metal that is. Its such a strange album. Its seems to be purposely poorly mixed/produced....sorta minmalist, if you will.
It sounds very raw, and i think thats what metal needs.
This idea of making something sound like crap to make it more real is cool, and makes me not really wanna go back and listen to deftones...
however....after the new 311 eclipses this St Anger thing, i will surely return to it.

I think ill try to include detailed reviews in some sort of summer-wrap up post, once i get back into the school thing.

Short films seem to be progressing well, even with the lack of time.
I feel it is my purpose....to drag people out of their human realities and search for something else in this existence. Even if it entails making a film about a my pet monster killing childhood memories........

-j

im working now...
im tired now...

but things are going well...

i lack energy to type...

i think i will eat a sandwich for lunch...

birth anniversary is coming...
im having a party on saturday...
i hope people come...

i wonder if i will get gifts...
i like small gifts...

my pet monster is my first gift...
i wrote a short about him...

opie wanted to punch me...
he has had sex with cassy meyers and michele sibley...
two people i would never have sex with...

even if i loved and married them...

mikes computer is fun...
adobe is fun in general...

i need a delicious piece...of you all

chicken fried cheese is a weird concept.

anniversary of an uninteresting post

alright, i did the ranch thing. It was great. My it fit my idea of a vacation to a T. And this time, no one died (OJ Garcia died last time, and Stephanies Epps the previous time). This week however, im dedicating to exercise and keeping my system clean of filth (3 days so far...so good). I missed that zioni/lifesavas show to watch the martix reloaded a few days before it came out last week.....and that...was a mistake. Reloaded is one of the worst sequels ive ever seen atleast for the first hour of the film....however, the second hour picks up...its visually stunning and a bit good........and ill prolly go watch it once more...cause im a sucker......otherwise, avoid it like i avoid american cheese.

the new deftones album.....idunno......its great and its metal. To each their own. I have to retract my feelings that this would be a weak album, due to chino paralyzing his larynx, and his side project being so art-ish. Its alot like 'around the fur'.....but i will become friends with this album, and "im gonna letcha know"
also....it just doesn't sound commercial at all....no song screams "everyone will like me." I think its the lack of tasty hooks....its all just bludgeoning and seductive. i like it

my spirituality is moving back into my life....and typing more seems like a distraction right now.

ill be waiting for the beast to go away.

swanky and rich

something is wrong with my page.....apparently, if you use the url with "www." in front of "forthedoo.blogspot.com" it fucks the page up....
maybe its just my computer....i find it odd. And im no computer wiz kid. So im procrastinating the study of spanish that needs to be done. I find spanish the hardest subject to study for...either because you get it or you dont or maybe its too hard to cram-study for. Fuck it.
Next week ill be heading out to the "Ranch de Joey" as its been dubbed...hopefully for a relaxing bit of good time.
One of my roomates is in the process of moving out....he set his computer up in the room next to me though...and he is blasting some really terrible country music..."i was country when country wasnt cool, from my head down to my boots (or boobs?)"...malaise like mayonaise.
also next week there is a hip hop show with zion i and lifesavas..and some guy that worked with dj shadow or something....so that will be cool.
then its off to katy for some intensive money/movie making.

nothing important in my life is happening....i feel worthless/lazy and i need a shave.

go watch X2....its good...real good.

my faith is all mine, but the rest of me is yours

so all the hope i had for my vampire film being shown at a contest has pretty much been laid to rest. Which makes me feel fairly anti-austin liberal film fucks. It sparks a flame in me, that wants to go into the film industry and create something different. Something rough, and offensive....yet commercially viable to middle americans. That....as it turns out...is my dream.....possibly my purpose in life. Maybe it has always been that....but without that "commercially viable" attached to the end of it. But it is probably impossible....but i think its something to aspire to. Otherwise...i am fairly satisfied with my work. The editing is a bit rushed...but the content is what counts...and the content is funny. And if you dont think it is, you have no sense of humor, and fuck you. But anyways...i have an interview with the giant radio tycoon, Clear Channel Communications, for a temp promotional job...i prolly wont get it, because i dont meet some of their schedule needs....but whatever....
Some good news though...i get to meet some industry (film) people this weekend....including robert forster, terrance malick, and some other poeple that are unknown to most. Also.....VERTICAL HORIZON (the band) will be playing a FREE concert on campus saturday! so that will be grrreat....if i go....which i definitely wont....unless im severely drunk.But something really interesting is happening in the coming months dealing with all these summer releases....we kick it off with a new deftones album (selftitled) which seems promising, also...in june...a new zebrahead album will be released named 'Mutha Fuckin Zebrahead Bitch' (mfzb)...and with a title as bold as that, how can it be bad? Then in july....a new 311 album....called 'Evolver.' Does that make everyone want to go outside next to your street and blow a fat load on a car as it passes by? because it makes me want to. Ill be attending a zebrahead concert late may....and then warped tour in july...mostly to see Andrew wk and rancid. Reminds me alot of the summer between junior and senior year in high school. Oh ya....and a metallica album is coming out...but it will prolly be overrated...and the cover art seems very nu-metal to me.

one more note....ill be in attendance at the Yanni show sunday. Go yanni and VERTICAL HORIZON!

burning/annoying questions

this past weekend i worked...outside....and i got severely sun-burnt. Today...i am peeling alot, and scabs have formed over blisters on my nose and forehead. Im in the library now, and rubbing my fingers over my face creates alot of snow. I wonder if others are noticing around me. Surely some stalker is stalking and has seen this regular old man winter in he flesh.
But seriously...just as my face is falling off, times are turbulent. Decisions must be made for the ever rapidly approaching future. Should I write this paper? Should I write this speech in spanish? should i finish this film? should i work? can i write? hopefully yes to everything, time permitting. along with these own personal troubles....the country troubles. Should i support a war? does it even matter? when is gas going down?
Things will slow down once the summer has been properly setup. Then i get to make easy decisions. Should I go to redhotchili peppers? warped tour? summer sanitarium? lollapalooza? Will I buy the 311 album, the deftones album, the metallica album on the first day of their release? or will i wait?
the battle is mostly being determined now....
i wish i would get an internship...but i fear things dont look good for me.....it would give me a great excuse not to return to katy for the summer. But maybe i should go home....free meals, toilet paper, cleaning, cable, internet, close proximity of friends....and consequently drugs. The easy/lazy road is always tempting.

some guy is staring at my pile of dead skin ive made....i must retreat now.

listening to hail to the theif is gay for me

today i watched a french new-wave film. I like this reality/stylistic approach to filmmaking....the overly long takes and scenes...which may be painful for some, were kind of a relief from the rapid fire editing of today. Although the movie was french spoken, and a little hard to 'escape' or 'sink' into, the 'real' style of the directing and script made it easier. The story was that of a bastard child who gets in a lot of trouble and consistently is running away from these troubles, which usual consist of him trying to do something right but having a misunderstanding with an adult about it...........the film ends oddly, but ofcourse metaphorically, as he is shown running for about five minutes.....and then comes to a beach. And then the credits roll......
i was impressed with the ballsiness of it....since its from a very strict time period. (50s or 60s)
anyways....ive put forth my best effort to stop smoking so much in the past 3 days.....hopefully i can make it all week......i will see how my will power does this weekend. You never think you are that addicted, until you see people doing it and cant think of anything reasons why not to do it. Its not so bad yet though. Ive felt very unhealthy over the past few months....and im thinking smoking is the reason.....but perhaps its just drinking and im fucked still.
Today i went to eat at a mexican restaturant....in which a group of intoxicated to the core, obese people offered me booze. After i refused a few times, they placed two margaritas on our table and peer pressured us into drinking them. And i did a little.......then, presumably because we didn't drink "enough", they offered to pay for our entire meal, and i let them. Before i left, a couple from the group took to the unisex bathroom together and obviously fucked for an indeterminate amount of time....because after twenty minutes i went home...it was gross to think about. Overall experience was positive but the dish i ordered was terrible.....This is the third time in my life a stranger has paid for something i was going to buy.

The weekend with friends was swift, but very fun. When with my closest friends.....there are no pity-laughs. And i like that.

Its been a year since my last live rock show...

odd sleeping habits lately...its late now though. Nothing to do....there is war on television, but im not interested today. My feelings on the war have been fairly neutral...now my main prayer is that there is a swift end and less death for all. I cannot support anti-war, but i cannot support people supporting massive death on people. I would say...i am 'for war' but not 'pro war.' Im full of middle-of-the-road diplomatic bullshit........i guess it just all goes back to israel.
In spite of world turmoil, my own personal turmoil has not been too bad, aside from my recent sinus infection...Today i began reading again for school which seemed productive although i have alot to catch up on. During my lunch hour, there was a steel-drum group from a local high school playing on the west mall, which made my tacos all that much more enjoyable. I like steel drums....there should be more steel drum bands....i guess........maybe not.
I discovered that doug stanhope will in fact not be performing in austin in april, nor is there a later date for his appearance....i am crushed.
Lethargy.......eww......must shed this skin.

Ive been compiling another cd......and memories flood with old music....
time goes by about two and half times faster when you are in college as compared the the previous 18 years of (my) life....or perhaps its more like a suspension of time post-graduation. I guess im still in a feeble beginning to the 2nd 3rd of my life...and with a faint heart.

daren and mike are supposed to come down this weekend....and hopefully i will wrap up my vampire movie filming.....and "party til i puke."


whats the better song....missy elliot's "work it" or "gossip folks" ?????!

new earth has become a repugnant place

last night....me and some cohorts of mine invested in what is commonly refered to as a beer bong. The effects were devastating for some, but positive for most. The devastation i speak of....well....its actually one of the most putrid and vile things ive ever witnessed....that can still maintain its humor....
no names will be mentioned....for all you know it could be me...but
last night...after several shots of jimbeam, and then followed by many more bonging of beers....a friend of mine decided to pass out. This is standard after drinking....yes, that is true. however, this particular evening...this particular person was completely "throwed" and began to have some rumblings in the bowels....
instead of finding a commode....the person at play...decided to make do with the floor.....
he rolled over onto the floor and vomited....then laid his face in his own vomit......
then...the next thing.....this particular "human being" pulled his pants halfway down...and took a shit on the floor in this same position located on the floor amidst massive amounts of vomit.....
when we discovered the mess....a piece of shit, mid-shit, had haulted inbetween his harry loins/ASSHOLE

with the harry penis, shit piles, vomit pools, and the repugnant piece of life amidst it all.......it was enough to make me gag.
i did not record it with my videocamera......because.....i, joseph graham, was too repulsed....

now for some fat kid jokes...i saw this in the funny UT paper called "the travesty".....

"STAYING HEALTHY IS AWESOME: mommy and daddy dont want fat kiddies, so remember to watch your weight! If you get too big, your parents will have to put you in a box with alligators and snakes and bury you until you lose the pounds! Here are some super-fun tips to tell if you're getting too fat:
-if your mommy and daddy fight, theyre fighting about how fat you are!
-if dogs bark at you, its because theyre hungry for your fatty fat!
-if you mom tells you to do your homework, she's probably just tired of looking at you and your big fatness!
-if you cant do something perfectly the first time you try it, youre too fat!
-if if you like ice cream, you are defitnitely too fat!
-if your parents are divorced, dont worry --its not because youre too fat. Its because you're too ugly and they never really wanted you anyway.
-if you like to stay up past your bedtime, its prolly because youre thinking about eating! Knock it off, faggot!"

i thought it was funny :-()

pushing little children

it happened...
i popped back into a 'rock' state of mind!
i haven't had an urge to listen to hip hop or anything else really, in over three days. its weird...i think its because ive just been so god foresaken angry, at various things happening all around me and it made me snap like a twig....perhaps a metal twig....if you will.
actually...a friend asked me to create a collection of the hardest music i knew of, apparentyl to drive drunk to (jk)....but i think i was so willing to actually do it because of what i previously mentioned...

today i went to eat at a small mexican restaurant where no one speaks english really......i wasn't that impressed by what they concocted. The chicken on my gordita had alot of skin still on it. that along with the strange texture of the beans ruined it. I finished the majority of it...hoping it would get better, but it never proved so....i left unhappy. But they do serve minors alcohol because the waitresses are prolly not taught to. its a strain on there low communication skills i guess....

im working on a vampire comedy....should be funny if me and my partners in crime can work together and create efficiently.
spring break in a few days...

this is kind of a lame post, and i need to study.

the most dangerous thought

im in a weird phase of thinking about existence....probably too much since im writing about it (solely) here.
do you ever contemplate the entire universe and everything that can possibly exist in its entiriety and think whats beyond that?
the obvious explanation, for me, being a believer in christ/god....is that god and heaven are beyond 'it.'
but then ofcourse comes the follow up question of "what is gods' origin?"
and that question, sometimes when i first begin to think about it...can make my brain feel like its going to explode for about 3-5seconds. Somtimes i can get kind of shakey and light headed.....even teary. Its a frightening thought.
but it always goes away within that time frame....and no matter how much i try to maintain or bring back that intense 3-5 seconds....i cant
its as if im not supposed to think it.....
ive talked to many people about this over the years....and ive only found a couple of people who seem to know the feeling.

existence is weird....
im only humoring the idea on this blog thing is because i haven't had this thought in a very long time...and the other day i actually had that intense feeling and then it happened again this morning in the shower....

after i get that intense feeling and am left with a very sullen state of mind....i always, and always have in the past, come to the conclusion that i am a simple being, under god....
and as a human i can not comprehend god completely and never will be able to.....and my only option is to have faith in that and him.

its all this that supports my faith in God and christ....and allows me to indoctrinate myself in the word of god.
all other atheists/agnostics/scientific theories just dont do it for me.....this is my personal theist theory i guess.

but i dont really think agnostics have theories....i think they just dont care......


does anyone know what im talking about?
im thinking its possible...but unlikely

opuesto de bien

i hate going to bed mentally starved...
this katy trrip has been oddly timed, as i have learned of more episodic cociane use amongst people which is always disheartening...its probably not as bad as my informant made it seem, but still....anytime anyone is concerned with a drug of this nature it is bad.
Also my sister was arrested (but not 'booked') for underage drinking tonight...she lied to my parents saying she was going to see a great movie called daredevil, but instead caught a ride with some older sick individuals with cocks...and went to an unknown little field somewhere in the heart of katy. I think these guys may have been older than me....which is fucking sick. My sister could be completely ignorant to her mind.
Apparently shes done this before, but a katy cop (which ironicly is probably pictured in the previous post) picked up on the fresh smell of bad teens....and unearthed their little caper in the woods.
I didn't stick around for the aftermath, of her being picked up by my parents and what not......but i should have
instead i went and watched daredevil...as my sister probably wish she had done....
the second time was surprisingly alot alot better......i dont know if it was that i picked up on alot more things....or wasn't distracted by the large crowd, the annoying person that sat next to me, that bright light shining in the corner of my eyes from the stepping stairs, or jenny having to let me know that certain comic-fantasy aspects are "ridiculous"..........idunno.....but it made me want to see it once more, again!

eric v had a hotel party.....it was very lame........perhaps the saddest party ive ever seen in katy.....but i kept my feelings inside and was able to make the best of it. Couldn't drink though #1 because i drove #2 because my sister got arrested and wouldnt want it to be a double wammy for my rents #3 i want to stop drinking more than once a week...or atleast drinking 'too much' more than once a week. Also found out michael waguespack is going to be in jail soon....probably until the summer. That along with the horrible scabs on his face, which he attained through being beligerantly drunk....made our conversation seem so sad.....adding to the overall mood of the "party"

the end of the night consisted of me, daren, mike, and joanna....watching the simpsons 300th episode and discussing existence in comparison to powerhouse
so the night ended suprisingly well.....

but something is tainting the 'now'
and it feels kinda good

enter banded wrists

Ill be heading to Katy this weekend...I dont really need to, but because of my recent emotional dreaminess, something is telling me to go home and refresh. Austin can at times be like a drug...taking control of my willpower and forcing me to just relax and wait for the next alcoholic drink to find its way into my hand. Living weekend to weekend is no way to live. but this isn't to say that Katy is really an anti-drug, but it is a place in which im much more sure of what im doing. My goals are more simpler, and the environment doesn't make it all cloudy...for me atleast.
My goal in katy is to get the people i love, out of katy...except for my parents...they need to be the skeleton crew that holds the keep.
I guess im just looking for some inspiration...or to inspire the uninspired...
blah blah......i need some focus.
And just awhile ago i learned my great-uncle who is a costume designer for tv/film will be at a wedding reception...and me and him will have a chat......networking is key.
Michael Jackson....so much terrible press lately. Its true...the man is psyhcologically scarred..or even gone.......but you cant deny his music....
so i encourage eveyone who has been paying attention to all this stuff....to turn it off....and listen to "billy jean".....and fuckin jam

post punk emo pop = shit in colorful saranwrapp....to me atleast...althogh their are layers of annoyance depending on the band
oh ya....doug stanhope is going to be co-hosting the Man Show......thats good for him....although it will probably kill the show...

i think im swashbuckling

so this weekend was pretty good to me.....even the trip to sesame street live this sat was not near a waste.
Much less overly dramatic, compared to last weekend....which is very good. At some point last weekend i was contemplating transferring to a college far-far away, in california.
But that would probably never materialize...not in a million year
aah....Valentines day is rather useless holiday, and in my opinion, just is here to keep hallmark, russell stovers, and 1800-flowers in business......as well as some peoples sexlives because its like a mandatory fuckfest....and a chance to be "nice" even though you may not want to be....which can be positive i suppose
but i bought into it a little, ofcourse....but treated most of the day as a normal one
I took my date to see daredevil....
it is a good-fun predictable comic book movie.....although it hints at Noir, its just a little too hollywood manufactured for me to fall in love with it.
But I will probably see it once more.
Next on the comicbookmovie list, comes Xmen 2 and the hulk......but id really like to see a new batman from aronofsky........but it will probably suck

the Simpsons celebrated there 300th episode.....the guy who does homers voice looks like a rapist in 'real' life....
today i should go and take my computer into the shop....because it crashed last week......but ive been very lazy with spring fever as of late and will more than likely not do it....or anything else.....tonight
but i got my cellphone back...so ill be okay.....

i think someone is stalking me.......who have i offended?

my great grandfather will soon pass on, and find out exactly what catholicism, along with everything else, means.....i will pray for a easy and drunken death into the afterlife........keep on drinking the beast

311, deftones, and metallica will all have new albums soon enough....

wild turkeys!

this morning i fell asleep around 4:55am....only to later awake at 6:45am....an unusual and consequently painful thing for me to do. My eyes burn a lot when i dont get enough sleep, and i tend to slip into dream easily if i close my eyes.....
oh....i got up this early in order to attain a pair of tickets to the bill clinton lecture on the 12th at UT, but i didn't get any.....there was a large line. Today my email stopped working....and aol is not operable for anyone in my family.....im not sure why.......but schooling at UT is very dependent on email, and im probably missing more than i know....ya
Later this evening I lost my cell phone...albeit while filming a short/skit type movie......so it was a bittersweet evening and i didn't mind. I haven't actually done anything hands-on in quite a long time. I met this guy from Katy named Jack (not sure what his last is) but he played trumpet in KHS band and i am familiar with his visage and quiet personality.....but we worked on this project together..........he has a 4,000 dollar dv camera......i was drooling all over my cock.
I hope we get to work together in the future.....he seems intelligent
=My dad is going to california tomorrow....call him and wish him luck.
=at 2:30 tomorrow Ill be given a hearing speach and language screening....i wonder if i will pass the test
=thank you to jenny for going with me to look for my phone....even though no fruits were tasted
=Daredevil, the new movie coming out soon, is going to be spectacular........this is word of mouth

i got the arkkives to work! I am ASSUREDLY going to accrue a collection of semen tonight!


i dont know if i should disclose this on this trifle little page....but.....did anyone happen to hear a vague, yet unequivocal little scuttlebutt about Miss April Ng?


although i posted only 20 minutes ago.....my state of mind has gotten oh so much younger and sharper............maybe i should stop letting booze be my backbone of having a "blast"......

masturbating at forty below

how about a movie about a guy who grows a split personality that is a female.......struggles with this.......gives into it and becomes a homosexual......after much psychiatry.....gets a sex change.........later founds out he has been possessed.......and then journeys to find an exorcist....who, rather than kills him, fucks him.......the he/she then returns home.....and cuts off vagina and breasts.........and becomes a famous author........
coldplay.....the group. I worked their "rock show" tonight.....and wasn;t completely disgruntled by the whole thing. They have a few really cool songs with some interesting musical crescendos (to pick out a specific detail), and also just some overall professional talent. But, then i realized, man this band is almost exactly like U2 with a spice of radiohead and maybe a hint of dave matthews.....which are bands that may have large followings....but i am just not down for. Actually they just remind me of radiohead, without the excess of experimentation/selfconsciousness/gay.......
All of there music is very much "drive" music.......music that is going somewhere or maybe music thats only good when driving in a car, not in traffic......or maybe they remind me of, in a movie, when someone looks at their ominous surroundings....something you would hear while that happens.....if you can visualize that.
Oh i should mention too that one thing surprised me. It was this group called mosseiley, that was opening for the opening band from Tyler Tx, consisting of 3 sisters, their brother, and a friend named jon.................the eldest of which was 20......and i didn;t think they were terrible....although the sound was not near the maturity of coldplays' polished sound..........but surprising none the less.................very indy
Later, after visiting their website (mosseisley.com) i found that they are kinda christiany/cs lewis readers/family people.....which is cool i guess....since they didn;t completely lick my ass as most christian bands do.........so maybe they will grow to be something more than a conglomerite of indy sounding holy-roller noise.......and be cooooool

some girl offered me oral sex for a better seat at the concert......i said no......jenny should be happy.....i guess
some kids were smoking pot in front of me.......i did not stop them......later i was told to keep an eye on them because they were smoking pot by an older woman.......so i watched them smoke pot the whole concert....
Another guy offered me a cup of beer.......but one beer is not cool.......considering the risk involved while "on the job" at the frank erwin arena.......

after this semester or maybe next......i think i could drop out of school to start getting into the film business (excluding the opening statement of this blog).......but i think i like the security of school......and will stay until i get my degree.............

Beef- anti-marijuana commercials during superbowl......esp. the one with the 10 year old girl getting pregnant because of smoking weed......how ridiculous
- DW griffith......the most influential filmmaker of the 20th century.....was also the most popular biggot of his time.......film has been an dangerous media since its inception.......
- why cant i get my archives to come up anymore?


ooh ya! And the Olsen Twins are going to Texas A&M University fall 2003!
everyone will be wanting to gig 'em.....

national football conference...

yesterday was the superbowl, today is monday, tomorrow will a day to remember.......wait....
superbowl...aah yes. i remember it well......the buccaners won despite an experienced Oakland team. The pirate battle has come and gone....oh well
i watched the premiere of the late show with Jimmy Kimmel on ABC (not the most congenial network for crude content), and it was 'comedy', with snoop dogg as the weeks' co-host and warren sapp and george clooney as the first guests.....jimmy kimmel is such a man, and he is now somewhat of a star......and im happy for him, i guess because ive been watching the guy since win ben steins money.
Someone else who is very funny if youve never heard of them is a guy named doug stanhope, a moderately known comedian......he is more vulgar and drunken than me......so maybe check out his website i believe it to be www.dougstanhope.com (pardon me, i have forgotten how to make links)
An important anecdote: the other day i was standing in my house watching tv with an average group of friends on a saturday night, and someone was flipping channels on the old tv. Now during this casual event, the person (who im guessing was male) with the remote control, abruptly stopped the clicker on the womens' "oxygen" or "oh!" channel due to some erotic female masturbating scene......needless to say it was very sexy atleast for womens television...........but THEN the director of this smut revealed to us the object of her affection through the window she was spying in. And In that window, we were shown two men fucking on a couch.

i lost my job at joes crab shack after not even one day....
awhile back i saw a guy named Billy Bryant, perhaps anyone from my graduating class will remember this cock.......he was in his 'escalade' and rolled down the window to holler "katy...woooo" at me

after a weekend of intense drinking........im refusing to clean up my apartment......we will see how long my holding out will last........

my tonsils hurt...alot

well...my job picked up and for 41 hours (almost straight through) i have been doing XCEL spreadsheet work!!!!!!!!
i am tired....and my brain has been deprived...
goodbye....

see you in austin self...

my sneeze is one-hundred degrees

my very busy holiday season ended yesterday with me and jenny wilsons' 3 year 'anniversary.' I think i like how it extends the season 6 more days. While most must go back to preoccupation with their lives, i still get to concentrate on purchasing for someone else, which is a great way to keep your mind of the dreariness of your shitty lives. just kidding (unless your life is pathetic...then im not)
But wow....it is 7:23 in the am....this is the first of four days i am working with my father answering phones at his machine shop. This job is much different than my summer job answering phones.....all the same surroundings and tools......yet i feel so much more feminine. Because im surrounded by course lower-middle class working men with below average education, who probably enjoy bruce springsteen, and their memories of doing cocaine when they were young in the early 80s. But they seem professional, and my dad seems to be there leader. Actually it seems they fear him, except for one clean overweight guy who actually owns the place named "todd".......
But im working 10 hours a day basically, and at 8 dollars or so an hour.....ill be rollin in some much needed dough soon enough....

So much has happened since i posted last.

Kool Keith- funny funny. Kool Keith is insane....completely....Although the songs played were not really what i wanted to hear....it was still great to see keith with his wig and cape on...being very not in this world. I have to say, becuase it too is notable, that his freestyle is mediocre, but it is the greatest freestyle ever! to quote "im landed here, im up in here, there with be no ufo's or flying saucers landin here" and "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, im up in a tree" it was fuckin great.
and this group named zion-i really impressed me, as well as babooi blake and his full hour of freestyle and instruments (rather than beats and cuts and shit....like the roots i guess) His bassist was blind....and was really really good and cool as shit.......I saw him drinking alcohol after the show, and it had me pondering what it was like the be drunk or on drugs without the sightaspect................i bet its scary.

The Ranch- was not the vacation id hoped for. It was the vacation everyone else had hoped for....so 'Ranch Joey' remains a cool thing.....so thats 'cooool.
It just amazed me how easily led some people are, and how child-like grown young adults can become......not that anyone was terribly 'bad' or deserved some sort of punishment....its just....c'mon......everyone there was like 20.....and i had to repromand and 'keep an eye on' everyone in order to maintain order and keep people away from breaking the rules i set up in the begining......I also got a light version of bronchitis while there, and heard of OJ Garcias death....so it seemed as though the whole thing was tainted with something new everyday....
Also, one other notable thing....nearly every male that attended the 4 days of drunken glee recieved some sort of small wound from some sort of weapon.....it was ridiculous.

Mr. garcias funeral- i would say this to be the social gathering of the year. That sounds a bit like im emulating the clerks character randall.....but it really was. I saw a lot of people i had not seen since i had graduated and even a handful of people i haven't seen in 2 or 3 years....it was crazy. OJ knew a lot of people, so i wasn't surprised by the turnout....but i think there were atleast a thousand people there....it seemed.......alot of girls from high school....some of which already have gotten ugly.....which is funny.

Christmas- i recieved mostly just cash....of which i am greatful. Im starting a savings account towards some video equipment that ive been fancy-ing. I also recieved a large amount of cologne...of which i have never been a big fan of until recently....So now im a musky smelling guy. YEAH!.......

New Years- i got boozed....in austin.....and did not go to any partys....i hung out with jenny and my roomate and his "crowd"......it was okay......i suppose.....i got to watch a large man vomit and that is always cool.

Time in Katy/austin downtime- its been cool. I did some good movie watching....seeing Lord of the Rings ttt, gangs of new york, reign of fire, taxi driver, reservior dogs SE dvd, some of citizen kane, back to the future one two and three, and this movie i missed the end of but jenny filled me in, called 'the dangerous livesof altar boys' which is a pretty indy movie....and apparently it ends tragically and comedicly and i missed it....oh well. I also played a good amount of Mortal kombat: Deadly Alliance....which is a spectacular game....by far the most detailed and fun fighting game ive played in years....probably since Super Street Fighter 2. I used to play mortal kombat in my youth....and this just blows a fanboys mind. Oh ya....and my parents bought me and some friends of mine booze...and we ordered the 311 payperview....and it was a very cool...........and apparently my parents are the coolest parents of anyones parents i know..........im glad they are letting me do this kinda stuff post-high school........not condoning young drinking....but also realizing that the old drinking age was 18, and undermining the system.......

anyways...ill have 4 to 5 hours of free time everyday this week....and an apparent abundance of internet time while im here at 'work'............so ill post-it


::sneeze:: ::sneeze::.......::sneeze::