a boy to raise at a young age, no help from him, but she's alive.

im moderately sad right now. i can do that right?

single mothers make me sad....Really mothers in general. I cant imagine what being a woman with a child is like. "Baking" it for nine months, then watching it grow until you die. Its a miracle, i guess....but it has to be painful in many strange ways that are probably beyond me now. Im sure there are joyous moments in parenting, otherwise people wouldn't do it right?
What strange animals we are....chosen by god to rule, its crazy, ya?
ever wonder what it would be like if our bodies didn't mature, we just got exponentially bigger? Sex would be freakish.
but anyways, I think "love" is based on investment, and our willingness to defend things weve invested in. Like...initial attraction to something is crucial...and then you invest in it....whether it be with money, time, a kidney, sperm....well maybe not sperm....its kind of easily disposable in a lot of cases
after that i think im willing to defend it to the death....unless the thing changes drastically or you change drastically...or something comes along with a similar attraction that seems better....but you wont stop defending the first thing.
Like....say i hear a song. I purchase the album which has the song on it.....im more likely, because i bought it, to defend it's quality....because ive already spent 15 bucks on it, so i must defend my purchase.
Maybe this is just how i operate.


im one of those people who wants to be put in situation in which i can die for others, i guess because i have invested 20 years in living with people of the world. But im not the kind of person that wants to not make fun of you when you trip while walking....or when you cry.

norah jones has a sexy singing voice, but i think im going deaf.

is god being a gentleman, and backing out of our lives, as we have requested?


::questions whether i should have written anything at all::