12.25.2005

giving up



its seems like the right thing to do.

its what my wells fargo banking statements scream.
its what my edfinancial loan bills scream
its what my texasgasservice bill screams
its what Luis De la Fuente's new job 3 days after finishing school's salary screams
its what my rent screams
its what my 2 unpaid internships scream
its what those engaged business majors from high school scream
its what my unpaid audio gig screams
its what that pizza delivery job im going to need for money screams
its what my slowed rate of buying dvd's screams...

shit.

I wish i could go back to that ignorant 18 year old i once was and sit down with him and really discuss how this was all going to go down....because he didn't have a fucking clue....and he should have....no one ever told him.
im sure it wouldn't have made a difference....he knew just what he was made of. earth. right. just like everyone else.

At some point I said..."ill do what i love over what will allow me to survive and procreate, and what i hate."
choosing art. although many would argue that nothing ive done constitutes as art.....fuck them.........i believe it is.....because its not done to get chicks to fuck me....and its not done to get money.....thats art. done for yourself out of boredom and the need to say something.....and probably a handful of other reasons.
(...I openly admit to talking out of my ass the majority of the time, and i try to leave everything i say open ended like that....)

I can't stress this enough to younger people than i....dont major in anything associated with film...
Art wasn't meant to be structured into a degree plan....and you dont need it. ive learned more in the last 6th months that i did all 2 years i spent in the rtf program...

...

Everything I think I wrote just now is bullshit....
i have no interest in arguing the sanctity of art....
i just want a fucking real job.....doing what i know how to do....

Continuing to get my family crappy gifts is starting to get a little embarassing...
Being poor now...not just college kid poor....sucks.
Having cavities, broken bones, skin cancer, mental sickness, and a car thats beginning to deteriorate...it just feels bleak.
oh yeah....i have cancer...
no that was a lie, i think....i have mental problems...

theres a raging battle in my head......
GRE vs. Hollywood....vs a young heart attack


this is my fucking christmas post....
ive been a fairly bad christian for atleast a year...maybe 3

fuck it....im not giving up....

12.05.2005

wishlist



rampant consumerism....aah....i dont think i spelled that right

QHR040
this would awesome...but its like 20000 dollars...

jsbstash_1875_7992665
although i dont listen to that much music...i do love it...and i love kevin smith movies....me and this shirt just make sense you know?

jitcrunch
its time for the retirement of my classic hoodie...after mexico...its last days are on the horizon...it got me through 6 years.........salad fingers is awesome...

camera-front-angled
i got the laptop....i got the ipod.....need that digital camera....and this is the coolest one ever...

B0008JILX6.01-AIGI2YLZJE0LN._SCLZZZZZZZ_
me likes movie video games....

B0007TFLLC.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_
i dont think i really want this...i just want to watch movies on it....

B000BJ7BCK.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_
this was that movie that i went and watched by myself during the afternoon on a saturday with a large crowd of children...i was dressed in black...but it was really good...

B000BCKFWK.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_
the "oh shit" dvd i knew would come right before christmas...special edition please...

B000BBOUU4.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_
i will take this or the special edition of the older one...both are good...the first im obsessed with...

B000B5XOWU.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_
finally!.....and despite the legal issues with getting all the videos on it...there are 11 videos on this dvd which is good for me....

B000ASATYO.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_
didn't realize peter jackson directed this....but i love it.....yet another special edition....

B000AP04L0.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_
more special edition...mike judge is making bills and bills...

B000A1INJE.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_
masterpieces only please...

1400049628.01.LZZZZZZZ
this looks interesting...

0900631b80c60e1fR
i really like levi's 527's...and would like some more...

750-Mbox2_img_ArtsyVert
mmmm....how i would love an Mbox...or Mbox2....with protools....

71_1_b
as a rothite...i need the uniform

260-a
or this hoodie....

3 beanies b 346
i need a new beanie...i dont really care what kind...

dat
i need a dat recorder to go with that Mbox if i am to make proper audio art...

B000BITUX4.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_
this isn't coming out in time for christmas...which is a damn shame....i want it....

0451160525.01._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-dp-500-arrow,TopRight,45,-64_AA240_SH20_SCLZZZZZZZ_
the dark tower series...aah....i would like all seven books....i dont think i have in my posession any anymore...although i have read the first three...and ive recently tried to get back into reading with a handful of books...



anyways...i doubt i deserve anything....being 22 years old....i dont feel like christmas is for me anymore....that will prbably be its own post at some later date...

12.04.2005

don't tread on me....especially you!



my dream has come true...

10.25.2005

NOTE TO SELF




just wanted to note about this dream i had about cats and people turning into cats. it was really scary.

but i woke in the middle of it...but i went back to sleep to continue to scare myself...

which i thought was weird.

awesome dream though.

crazy.

10.10.2005

the 6th element



here are some interesting links that've ive read while googling the word "why?" and various other things....

crazy

sexy

cool

10.06.2005

sponge worthy



I'm 22 years old, and all i know how to do well is drink. It's one of the few things i feel completely comfortable within normal conversation with beings outside myself and my small group of friends. It's pretty sad. I can't talk about music, nor movies, nor books, nor televsision, nor women, nor food nearly as well as I can speak about booze.
I've been bored far too much, and booze has filled the void so incredibly well. Now that my time in institutions(college) and prisons (junior high) is over, I don't have the same problems with boredom. Theres plenty of things to do, and a lot of things i want to do....more than drink. And slowly these ideas are coming to fruitation in my day to day habbits of living.
I'm learning a lot despite not being in school. I suppose this is what they call "experience," which is apparently just learning without the institution.
Makes me think I could have started this earlier. 22 sounds old to me still. I think I could have started "experiencing" things way before 22. I think I could have started working on things (media things) when I was like 15. Sadly there is not a huge difference between my personality with the 7 years age difference. I "know" more...and I've definitely "lived" more. But wow...what a lack of "experience."
But despite this feeling like I've gotten a late start, I wouldn't trade it for all the booze knowledge.
'cause i like that shit.

But much like masturbation addiction, alcoholism subsides with age....hopefully

10.05.2005

recovery



ok....finally i have revived in the internet in my room. Its what....october....
2 months its been.
wow.
But im now "online" again.

In case you dont know...im quitting my new job at Manuel's Mexican Cuisine and my internship at 501 post, to go work on a movie in Mexico with some people I met on the internet that are from New York, for 600 dollars for the entire month of November, in addition to food and a bed for the month.
It's still poverty....but this has got to be like, the funnest poverty ever.
Hopefully I'll learn some skills and be able to make money at this one day.

Im also writing a script of which I now have about 30 pages...which is no where near complete....but it's basically one of those "prodigal son comes home" movies...but with more black humor....and a lot more sex.

Hopefully ill finish it.

Since Ive abandoned the idea of a daily log of everything I do (my livejournal)...i was thinking about revamping it to cover my diet. A food log.

seems more interesting to me....and a lot simpler.


also...Kevin Smith is filming Clerks 2 as we speak.

9.10.2005

suck'n in the workforce



im bad and irresponsible, or that's how the world makes me feel on a consistent basis these past weeks (Ive been yelled at a lot the past month). Starting a new job 3 weeks in a row i suppose is to blame, too many schedles too many forgettable responsibilities. I remember moving to new places in my earlier years, and learning new names, new people, and new ways of living and the need for you to learn everything in your first 5 minutes post-arrival never existed. But it is out of necessity in the working world of today. People have to work together. quickly, as products to create more product. Everything providing the providers. Yet still, learning the names of about 45-100 people (if you included American Idol, but lets not and say 45) is still quite the challenge for me. If you dont know this about me, I have a very slow memory, which is one of the most frustrating things about being inside this body. It takes me a minute to think of things reguardless of how obvious it is. It also creates stuttering, incoherent sentences, trailing off, and my favorite...stopping mid-sentence, discombobulted to the max. I don't remember things always being like this. When I was younger I had less damage from the drugs and alcohol, and less needless thoughts about the meaning of existence, but that's not what im pointing blame at now. I blame the speed of living we have ourselves up to in this world. I always have had an infatuation with speed, but on external things, not my internal sense of time which everyone on earth has aided me in making exponentially faster.
But there is always an excuse i suppose.
Despite the flames reaching my knees, my hair now being ash in the wind, and my mind aflame, i keep on trucking in hopes for a payoff...of any kind.
I wasn't meant for communications, I was meant for math problems in a cubical, but I continue to battle my destiny with a notebook and a pen...but more often with the big fucking chainsaw in my head.



tonight is 311. I'm going to guess the opener will be "welcome" or "don't tread on me"
but im secretly hoping for "hive"
i do hope they play "ill be here awhile" at some point...it always will remain my 20-something anthem...

Let's step out tonight...all night....It's a better feeling with my friends....once again.

9.05.2005

katrina



wow, this whole thing is really fucked huh.
I would encourage anyone who actually reads this to donate some money to these people, but you dont really need my encouragement...just watch cable tv for a few seconds.
I was considering offering up my house for some stranger. But I don't have an extra room technically, and am not financially stable enough to provide anything for anyone really, but we will see i guess.


lots of changes in my life, as well as pretty much everyones in the states. changechangechange.

new 311 album....you prolly wont like it, but i do as per usual.
Im becoming mildly interested in tv with this new Life with Earl show....and that chris rock show....and that sunny in philidelphia show....too bad the biggest national catasrophe ever will swallow any attention it would receive if people had time for it.

8.03.2005

311 yeah



just for my own sake....a list and brief description of every 311 show ive been to.

12/5/99 Houston, TX Numbers - My first show, with Daren and Valerie as well as Scott Youngblood and his brother and girlfriend. 1st song was Omaha Stylee with Intro. Very cold night - but after I got out of that hot club, it was fine. I wore three shirts because i bought a shirt for andrew johnston and was wearing an undershirt.....Got to meet the whole band and got another shirt signed. It was amazing.

10/25/00 Houston, TX Aerial Theatre - My Second show, with Daren, and I think Joanna and Eric Villareal. I believe Leslie Godwin and Amy were there seperately. 311 played with Zebrahead, who I was really just getting into at the time. So it was kind of a dream. I remember being really excited to leave band practice early to go to the show. It was amazing. They played Use of Time, which caused some tears to fall i think. They also played new songs from an album that wouldn't come out for another 6 months. A bit of a tease. Later this week I saw Deftones and Incubus. All four of my favorite bands at the time in one week.

7/22/01 Houston, TX Woodlands - My third show, and first and only warped tour. There show was a bit short. I remember them opening with You Get Worked, and after that i liked that song, because i had guessed they would open with it. It was weird to be there with so many people I knew. April Ng I remember being there, before her pregnancy I guess. Kool Keith was also at the festival. I remember the crowd being very very tightly packed into this one "pit" area...but it was awesome nonetheless.

10/23/01 Austin, TX Music Hall - My fourth show, and I believe my first show without Daren. I went with Amy and Brandy and Michael (amy's BF at the time), they smoked weed on the way over there. I remember seperating myself from them all to get closer. And then never seeing them til the end of the show. This was the most vicious pit I had ever seen at a 311 show. Many men, and less women than normal. At the time they were playing a lot of heavy rocking songs. Michael found some pot in the parking lot on the way out. Alien Ant Farm opened...they sucked. We talked to Chad (the drummer) after the show, briefly.

10/25/01 Houston, TX Aerial Theatre - My Fifth show, and It was two days later with all my Houston friends. I remember calling the first song again here. I remember Brandy was there somehow, and she gave me a guitar pic after the show. They played "let the cards fall" which was special to me. I think all my friends were really really into weed at the time in katy. I think afterward we went to Adams place and I huffed CO2 or whippit or whatever....it was weird. This is the last time I remember hearing "Fuck the Bullshit" as a closer, although i apparently have heard it, i just dont remember. I got really sick the day after this, and I missed my 5th show (the penetrate show) in what would have been 6 days i think. We also sat down during Alien Ant Farm and were told we had to stand up. It was funny. I think this was the show when the band stopped playing because something happened (someone fell off the balcony?) and made sure everyone was alright, either that, or they just fucked up.

3/10/02 Houston, TX International Ballroom - My 6th show. This was the first time I caravanned to a show. I think I drove and Joanna drove and Michael Comeaux drove. Very weird place the I-Ball is. This is the first time i ever talked to people on the internet and then met them at a show. I also, for the first time, saw Jared lahkani at a show. I remember Daren and Joanna dating hardcore at the time, and I also think Jared McMillan was there. I was basically alone in the pit at this show too. Hoobastank opened and sucked hard, and I booed I think...im vicious. I remember leaping into Daren's arms after the show, cause I was so happy with the setlist - which included Inner Light Spectrum, Nutsymptom, Large in the Margin, and Welcome.

8/24/03 Houston, TX 610 Arena - My 7th and favorite pre-show experience. I had everyone I knew that was going to the show come over beforehand and we had sandwiches and toasted cheap wine. I dont think i could remember everyone who was at that show. But it was like Daren, Joanna, Mike, Jared, Amy, Demetrios, Eric, Brandy, Corey, Lane, Gus and Josh...as well as that crazy kid Tracy from Austin, which was weird. Seems like ive forgotten someone...but it was amazing. Although the 610 arena is a horrible place to see a band play. The openeing band was cool, i forget their name.

8/26/03 Austin, TX The Backyard. My 8th show. I couldn't resist going to this show, even though i was broke. I went with Amy and her friend Ashley. I think Dennis Clapp was smoking pot in the parking lot which was weird. I remember attempting to crowd surf for the final time and falling to the ground, and i had long hair at the time and someone yelled "get her up"...i thought it was funny. After the show, something weird happened...there were cops or something, i dont remember what exactly. I was really broke afterward.

3/13/04 Houston, TX Verizon Wireless. My 9th show. The first one my parents went to with us. A lot of people went to this one as well. Had a blast. My sister was in the pit with me. It was a family affair. For the first time in forever, Daren was hardcore in the pit with me. We lifted my sister to her first crowd surf. Afterward I think we played pool at my house or something...or maybe everyone ditched me to go drink, i dont remember...but a great show.

This time around, whether I go to the Austin show or the Houston show will be my 10th show. It's been a grand ride.


Also - the video went well...im still recovering from being exhausted. But it was grreat.

7.28.2005

best surprises



HUSTLE AND FLOW

reguardless of how pumped up i was to see this movie (soley due to that crazy dance terrence howard is doing while the "whoop that trick" track is playing in the trailer) i was a million more times overwhelmed with how good the film is. By the way, after this and crash...im terrence howard 4 life. But anyways...
It made me giddier than i have been in a movie in a long time - i dont even know why!
I know why i get giddy at batman....i know why i get giddy at kevin smith films...i know why i get giddy for new 311 tracks....im not sure why i get giddy for really great character films. I just love them okay.
I haven't felt this type of joy for a film like this one...since Blow, i guess, you would have to say. And you know what.......i don't mind crunk music....despite its lack of durability due to the repeition...it's pretty cool. I like the concept....much like Andrew WK wants FUN...as do the "crunk musicians"....
But in Hustle and Flow we get something that despite being opposite of non-fiction feels ever so much more real than a 50 cent singing about how he was shot 8 times. It feels true....it feels like art. and it's fun-art.
And that really strikes a chord for some reason....turning something so filthy into art.....or atleast showing me it is in fact art. Not that i dont love me some hip hop....but i feel enlightened.
It's great when you get to see a director's probable pinnacle as a director....which is not actually John Singleton (paul) its some other newer person. But its great nonetheless....
I love that this movie came during the summer and its not going to do great....until i and everyone i tell how great it is buys it on dvd. I'm even ruiting for Mtv movies now, after this and Napoleon Dynamite...they are starting to get good at finding those films.
God, why couldn't I be a destitute black pimp with flow? I could have had it all.

On a slightly seperate note, i was thinking about how rap music completely dominates the music industry and i wonder how long until white people rip it off and take it over (was that already attempted?)....or will that whole white people stealing rock n' roll thing that happened 50 years ago...are we going to just say that history does not repeat itself? i just hope tejano/hiphop doesn't catch on all the way.....i can only stand that "gasolina" song so many times...



Maybe it's all the hip hop countdowns Mtv and VH1 just happen to be putting out right at its release...or maybe it's the fact that "whoop that trick" is the funnest song ive heard all summer....but i dig this movie so much....ill watch it again....instead of the island??? wow.


music video this weekend...should be crazy....if you want to be in it....contact me....ill get you a good spot.....


oh ya...and wedding crashers is really really fucking funny....saw that twice already....

7.15.2005

its 5 o'clock in the morning...or maybe it's six





i hate urban living....cause i cant scream as loud as i can at 7am.
i hate rural living......cause i cant find anything to scream about at 7am.

meh...fuck it.

Charlie and the Chocolate factory....very good in a entirely new way different from the original...very edward scissor hands Burton here i think. Johnny Depp as per usual explores completely the character and kept me smiling the entire film. This film, ironicly enough, is more about Willy Wonka than the original (despite its name change). You miss the fizzy lifting drinks scene not just because fizzy lifting drinks are a great idea, but because it allows you to catch up with the "main" character who just disappears in the 2nd act. The visuals are stunning. Lots more quirky humor and visual jokes. A little less heart than I had hoped, but Its there and I hate to say something like this....but it feels more real in a way, in the end. What I am speaking about specifically is Wonka's arc taking a couple of more scenes than you would think it would....i kinda liked that.....more true to the human condition would be more appropriate perhaps than "real". The oompa loompas are given a lot more background and i thought they were hilarious, as opposed to just oddity-eye-candy........although i did miss the songs....the new songs were pretty fucking cool/ out of this world. The scale is so grand, and sitting in the front again left me in an amazed overload. Crazy set design like ive never seen before....even though a lot is CG, it fits right in.
I love Wonka's world in this one...its not as thin....there are so many more layers to it and him. Like his prediliction for 50s/60s pop culture, vengeance for his enemies, lack of any ability to act with the adults (or anyone really) socially (so much so that he often has index card notes), vanity, etc.....

I need to see it again, to really get a grasp on everything...but i was really blown away nonetheless....
although i do miss the one-line-life-summations heard from gene wilder.....but here i get all this cooky dialect from depp, which may not be as fulfilling on an emtional level....it feels good still.....and i still got to feel like a child.

All the demises from the other children are much more terrifying due to some dramatic editing/directing......and, in the end, we get to see the aftermath of each.........i always liked the original cause you never knew if the kids might have actually died....but we dont get that mystery here....instead we get these devious looks from Wonka during and right after each kid finds there way out of the plot.

seriously....the smile didn't leave my face until the last 3 or 4 scenes...and still returned before the end.


and now im awake past sunrise....i need to watch the sequel to Before Sunrise still....i need to know how that relationship ends up...or begins again.....

"i need a vacation" - arnold

7.13.2005

cant believe..



Iron and Wine made an M&M commercial.

7.12.2005

movies and shit



a few words for all the movies ive seen thus far this summer

Batman Begins - rules a lot. I love the tim burton encantations but this is just ridiculous. Movie making has advanced and I love how its aided Nolan into creating the perfectly balanced batman movie i wanted. I saw it four times.

Bewitched - Nicole Kidman is very appealing to me in this movie...more so than Will Ferrell, which suprised me. I think it has something to do with what the original show was sort of playing on - men losing their status over women, and that fear itself. I learned to laugh a long time ago at silly things...and this is a silly movie.....not very good, but fun.

Mr and Mrs. Smith - I dont really think Angelina Jolie is all that "incredible" hott. I dont think Brad Pitt is as funny as he usually is. It was fun for the most part....but i will never watch that again.

Kicking and Screaming - I hope Will Ferrell doesn't accidentally destroy his career some more.

Crash - I'm not usually one with a penchant for drama...however i really loved this film in a similar way that i liked collateral. Except because of that scene with the daughter getting shot....i think this is the best overly dramatic movie ive ever loved.

War of the Worlds - i dont care...i like Steven Speilberg when he does this type of movie....and i dont think anyone can do it any better....Maybe the story is weak...but its like 100 years old. Tom Cruise with another hilarious performance. I really liked this movie....especially the introduction of the tripods....and that scene with the people wanting to borrow their car. And how the Aliens got aids.

Land of the Dead - Post-college, i really do love zombie movies....and this is a really good addition for the guy who made zombies eat flesh. im just happy he is still alive to make another one. the movies all have a certain social commentary about them which is interesting because of how zany the material is in contrast.....here we are introduced to the first zombie sympathizers.....liberals....pfft.

Star Wars 3- Im not a huge fan of these movies....they are cool i guess.....i like empire strikes back a lot....but i wasn't expecting much....and what i got was a bit more than what i expected. This and empire are the only ones i would ever want to own. When Ewan screams "you were the chosen one" my heart sinks...

Fantastic Four - this is basically a really bad movie.....but i still liked it, cause comic book movies are fun......plus the jessica alba on screen for 90 minutes is great.....especially with the two naked-invisible-woman jokes. Michael Chiklis as the the thing was good i thought.....that johnny storm guy and him had a little funniness there, that could have been great. The exteme sports stuff sucked....as well as dr. doom totally sucking hard. bad movie....but i can like bad movies. It sucks because i read a headline on Fox News saying that THIS movie has revived audiences this summer......how did they realize "everyone will go watch this even though we made it shitty."


AND FINALLY....i will see Charlie and Chocolate Factory on thursday....thus completing the time period that i alotted for myself to live, like a year ago when i first heard about it.

I need to see Rize, Herbie fully loaded (yeah...), shark boy and lava girl.....i think thats it.

After that what next.....Wedding Crashers, Dukes of Hazzard, The Island, Hustle and Flow, bad news bears....i would say Elizabethtown, but thats moving into the fall season really.

7.06.2005

MUSIC VIDEO AID 05



alright...so you think you are my friend, huh?
PROVE IT.

I'm shooting a music video (a $2500 one) for Holliday, a rapper in houston/Katy at the end of July.
I do in fact need mass amounts of people to commit to being part of the fun (aka an extra) for 3 shoots taking place on July 31st. Come to have fun...or atleast act liking your having a total blast.
We will feed you, and love you.

If interested please email HollidayVideo@yahoo.com and let us know you are interested...We need all walks of life....and any costumes you want to wear are perfectly acceptable, prolly.
Good info will be your name, phone number, email, brief physical description, and any type of character you would like to play (doctor, nurse, stripper, ninja, yourself, etc.) that you might have a costume for.

Check Out Holliday's website here
or check out the single "Plan to Bang" at his myspace here


c'mon...just do it.....

6.19.2005

Pathetic


-my parents are out drinking right now with friends
-my friends dont want to travel 20 minutes to see me because another friend (who lives in houston) is at there place - and apparently is cooler than me to chill with because he is going to have a child.
-some austin friends are at two different keg parties
-i saw batman begins for the third time today
-im blogging at midnight on a saturday
-i dont even want to blog, but im that bored.
-i dont have anything near a good job
-my dad feels guilty for letting me be an RTF major and wants to get me into realestate
-im not as good as i think i am at street fighter 2
-i was staying in tonight so i could leave early in in the morning, but probably wont
-in the morning i was supposed to take someone back to austin with me, but they found a better ride than me.
-i paid six dollars to get into midnight rodeo tonight, and after 2 minutes of not finding my parents - i left....without arguing for a refund.
-every person i know from high school that ive seen in the last couple of months is drunk right now except for me.
-i dont know how to entertain myself with TV unless it's passed 3 in the morning.
-i dont like to play pool anymore
-im more than likely going back to a strip club tomorrow, because some people from work invited me
-i want to drink by myself
-haven't bought anything for my mom or dad for mothers day or fathers day or their birthdays
-my sister has "been with" more people than i will ever see naked in real life...
-i work at black eyed pea
-im weird looking topless
-i pick my nose, my ass, and my teeth
-i cant write
-i have terrible handwriting
-i cant type that fast....or properly
-people at black eyed pea call me arrogant

-continuing to make a list like this any longer will make me so full of self pity i will shit on the floor and roll in it, as i weep...if i continue

6.17.2005

brief



real life continues...

I need to write a really funny NASCAR movie before Adam Sandler does.

damn you sandler.

5.30.2005

hiatus

5.12.2005

total dance mix



Cause im sooo exctiable about graduating im making another mix compilation....and as i often do....i ask for suggestions.
This is total dance mix, save maybe the closer....so everything has to atleast be a little bit danceable, and easily digestible if not popular....whether its slow mid or fast tempos......dance sucka.
note: nothing is too cliche or popular, this is a rough cut....to a certain extent....

this is what i got so far to choose from...

donna summers "funky town"
jet "are you gonna be my girl"
beegees "you should be dancing"
daft punk "around the world"
justin timberlake "rock your body"
50 cent "candy shop"
britney spears "im a slave for you"
nazareth "hair of the dog"
david bowie "lets dance"
prince "trust"
talking heads "burning down the house"
dr. dre "all these niggas and hoes"
polysics "domo arigato mr. robot" cover
phil collins with genesis "invisible touch"
boz scaggs "low down"
no doubt "underneath it all" cover?
michael jackson "beat it"
beck "e-pro "
snoop dogg ft. justin timberlake "signs"
kylie monogue "cant get you outta my head"
violent femmes "blister in the sun"
gorillaz "feel good inc."
ludacris "number one spot"
janet jackson "go deep"
311 "strangers"
pheonix "if i ever feel better"
outcast "rosa parks"
andre 3000 "she lives in my lap"





any suggestions....

5.03.2005

eyes without a face



thegraduate1

just procrastinating....

4.30.2005

dream theatre



i had this weird dream. Every so often, in real life, i say an aloud prayer in front of people. I hate doing this. I dont know why, but theres something really private about praying, and it just feels wrong.

But i had this dream, in which i was praying in front of my parents and family pre-feeding. Im hating it as per usual. Suddenly i pause mid-prayer. I can hear shuffling amongst the crowd, as this i imagine is off putting seeing as how people gotta eat. I suddenly start screaming at the top of my lungs. i say something like "God...thank you for Jesus for making this FUCKING SHITTY ASS CROCK OF SHIT PIECE OF SHIT WORLD DOWN TRODDEN SHITTY ASS PLANET THAT SUCKS COCK AND VOMIT AND IS COVERED WITH PIECE OF SHIT PEOPLE (it went on forever)...bareable."

Then everyone started vomitting everywhere, while my parents stood looking at me.
Thats all i can remember.

I woke up with the urge to listen to Beck. but haven't.




They say NASCAR in garden state.....

4.24.2005

so we think were important



and we think that we make sense, and we think there is somehting better on the other side of this fence.

There is a huge difference in a career and a job. anyone can get a job. Some folks love their jobs...obviously im not in that category, and hope never to be. I think i will be perfectly content to hate 9 to 5 jobs the rest of my life. As i learned from the offspring at an early age which has remained true since i've thought about it..."its cool to hate" things that deserved to be hated atleast secretly. I could go on here, but will leave it at that....jobs deserve to be hated and i think God would agree. But a career....thats a passion...with goals, and success and failure. Things we all want and sort of thrive off of. I can fail and succeed at my job...but honestly....i wont remember the next day if someone at black eyed pea fills out a positive comment card or actually tells me thank you when i give them their sack of various fried foods. Careers are just a lot more interesting....because you care, and ultimate pleasure is at stake.
You could show me any number of scientific thing that tried to break down what it is that makes us want a career/goals/successes/failures, and i would not buy into you.I just wouldn't care. It's a phenomena to me. Something not driven by money or sex or anything....just a feeling you get.....aah....accomplishment.
Sitting in a room with a hundred people laughing at something you wrote or put together or allowed someone else to do is probably as good as i will ever feel without going into spiritual things. Granted, its pretty self centered....but it is mine, and it always is, even if i felt major success through the avenue of finding a way to house every person in austin and find the homeless jobs in australia taking a piss every 3 hours for a living....youre doing it for you, because helping others makes you feel good.
We are selfish beings, and to me...its impossible not to be all the way, because I cant really see into your consciousness. I can relate to it, but ultimately to me, its just me.
Its all how you look at it. To be honest, a huge goal of mine, for some reason, that will probably never happen, would be to give everyone i know a chance to do what they love/ employ them, and we would all just live well and have success/failure and fun for the rest of our days. theres a million and a half in one chance this could ever happen....but that would probably be the biggest accomplishment of my lifetime. Granted...most of you wouldn't really want to work for me....but hey....if i owned owned a magazine, a production company, or a recording studio....would you? Atleast for a little bit. maybe not.
This is ultimately fucking selfish as hell.
But i just really like the people i know....
So careers are pretty much totally better than jobs.

Im now the post-production supervisor for RIL pictures' 30 minute short "NecRomancer"
this is an unpaid position...but not being paid is so hott right now.

4.20.2005

damn look at that ass...


420



gonemad

things i think are sad about me:
-i have a pretty small penis
-im pretty short (excuse for penis size)
-i have a receding hairline
-i have no real raw talent that really is special
-i have low testosterone levels
-im obsessed with death
-i have little confidence

when will my predator come and eat me?


im sure i forgot something....feel free to add to this short list.

4.13.2005

follow up



im really tired of hearing people talk about or reading blurbs about Iron and Wine or Of Montreal and The Marz Volta.
these "bands" are shit to me, and i guess im just missing the point.

id rather listen to fairly more commercial stuff:

E-Pro - Beck
rolling on the river - tina turner
number one spot - ludacris
ruby dont take your love to town - cake
feel good inc. - gorillaz
cant get you out of my head - kylie monogue
Bring Your Own Bombs - system of a down
axes of evil - 3 inches of blood
little sister - queens of the stone age
purple - Horse the band


Pecan Pie Ice Cream and Uh-Oh Oreos are a pretty good combination of a lethal dose of sugar.


also....
This is just a bad idea...

4.12.2005

20 something


im coming to understand what it is to be "20 something"
here is some random shit.

does anyone want to go see doug stanhope this thursday at cap city comedy club? i will get tickets if someone wants to go with little old me.

someone in houston actually thinks i can do something with my life, and sent me an email today about a job interview. they are something of a marketing/advertisement firm...very small i assume. crazy. im sure i wont get it...i love how nervous i get on interviews....i often want to piss myself. I think i can say i can do "graphic design" but idunno...that might be lying.

im going to a stock car race this saturday...not the Sunday race, which is comparible to "major league", but rather its the cheaper "minor league" race....this is one area of interest that i have that gets a bad wrap amongst hip college kids. But i enjoy it all the same...

"My" film (not solely mine by any means), Abstinence Man and the Orgy of Death, after being played here in Austin at the JumpCut Film Festival, is now being played at a four day festival in Denver. Which i am set to attend in 2 weeks. Im quite excited....wouldn't you be?

Last night I applied for a job at the home shopping network....what's another word for desperate?

I've been sick for approximately 3 weeks now. This cold/sinus infection keeps morphing into a new sickness, with only one constant: My ears are still filled with fluid. I dont like to make time for health, but i guess i need to go to a doctor.

I actually made a B- on my philosophy exam. At first i wasn't excited, but then i was ecstatic abou this. I really like existentialism. It inspires me to think differently about all the dismal thoughts ive had in the past 5 years or so, and challenges me in several ways as I try to decipher linguistics and the concepts they are they try to build. Especially Sartre's "nothingness"
im having trouble in my head.

I never got to do this when i was younger...so im getting it out of me. I'm in the misdst of a vicious prank war.
and loving it.


i need to sleep for like 30 hours. this inability to just fucking lay down is so uncool right now.

3.31.2005

lost it



i think somewhere along this year i lost the ability to think clearly about anything.
Im having a very hard time remembering things...simple things.
Like...
who directed the Godfather....
i had trouble matching names with faces like Martin Scorsese and Woody Allen.
It took me like 3 minutes to think of Corey Feldman's name, and then i couldn't remember the other washed up Corey's name.
I couldn't think of a good definition for pastiche.
I couldn't remember this girls name nor face who said hello to me on the bus this morning.
couldn't think of all the necessary gimmicks i would need for a Cereal Cafe....the most necessary being "toppings"
i couldn't remember if i parked my car in the back or the front of my apt.
i couldn't remember where i left my grey beanie
i cant remember where the line "who will be my role model, now that my role model is gone" is from.
i couldn't think of what year Pretty Woman came out.
I couldn't think of Nicole Kidman's name for like 5 minutes.
I couldn't remember what time Newly Weds comes on.
i cant remember stuff that i couldn't remember a week ago, but eventually found out....nor why i wanted to remember

I could remember that Michael Jackson is fucking innocent still, and his father Joseph is the real criminal. But i think my brain is deteorating faster than most...
oh well.

3.26.2005

top ten hated



in no real order

1. the "real" world i have to enter in a month
2. the local news
3. my selfish thoughts about how i should live
4. the mars volta
5. time
6. honesty
7. fatty foods that make me feel bad
8. black eyed pea
9. sleep (until i am asleep)
10. people who try to tell me that i, in fact, do not want to be black, and that i "could not handle it"

fuck you.

happy christ dying time anniversary to all of you.

3.20.2005

take your oxygen away



suicide is apparently trendy. never thought i could say that in my own persaonal life. I guess i need to follow it by "failure is trendy" as well....seeing as how in both cases the "victim" failed.
I hate to post about this, because im sure if either found out they would want my head on a plate with parsley, but reguardless of their wishes here i am.
In catholicism its damnation, in my own personal christianity its mild victory over the flesh, which, if there is a heaven, and you were invited in the first place it wouldn't matter.
This idea comes out of an old idea that i believed when i was a kid that life is retarded, and the faster it ends the better. That hasn't dissapated completely obviously. But i believed suicide cant be that bad, since the doctrines i had been taught didn't state anything at all that could change the fact that you were a believer in christ. It was a "once saved, always saved" kinda deal. I still agree with that. I just am never certain of my faith anymore.
Perhaps its being in austin, and listening to others. Not going to church for a solid 4 years. Or existentialism. Im not sure. But i cant get it back like it once was, but i deal with it.
Suicide is pretty much not painless at all.
It hurts a lot of people. People that you dont even like. People that you despise. People that dont even like you in return.
Maybe thats why its so appealing. We want others to hurt as badly as we do. And the whole "i cant go on" thing is a charade.
But we all know this kinda shit doens't really help to think about.
So what am i trying to say?
I guess....that...i care.
And wish i could save you all, but i guess i cant.


Soon this will be all over anyways. so you my as well have a good time. or a DEATH-TIME. jk

Oh yeah. My trip back to the homeland (florida) was cool and a breath of fresh air, yet entirely too mind numbing.

ALSO
The Mean Reds show is pretty much going down as the best fucking small show i will ever go to i think. that band stole my idea on how to live. But i think they do it better than i could anyways.

2.28.2005

a hilarious pose



apt-entsystem
my entertainment system/home studio/desk...

apt-bed
where you can find michael most of the day, trying to masturbate in front of me without me knowing.

apt-bedstand
if this is your glove let me know....

apt-closet
this is purposely canted for effect.

apt-dresser
i love that dog statue thing.

apt-toilet
hot.

apt-living
my weeknight bed.

apt-tree
the dark corner of the house.

apt-food
im waiting for mike to pick this up....despite it being mine.

apt-dvd
some films i got recently.

apt-guy
awkward thing i got in mexico.

apt-mag
we somehow have a subscription to victoria secret.

apt-booze
once i washed dishes with rum. i got wasted.

apt-cereal
i dont really eat cereal....

apt-mikesbed
michael eats cereal....this is his much more "neat" room.

apt-facebook
he is obsessed with the facebook....and is writing a book called "So, you've decided to like chicks..."

apt-organized
if only i had one i these.



wow, i pose.

2.24.2005

damn sandler



"Click, a movie whose premise makes it sound like something Jim Carrey turned down. It's about a man who gets a remote control that gives him the ability to pause, rewind or fast forward anything. It's like the next generation of TiVo.

Sandler is playing the guy with the remote, and now Christopher Walken is coming on as the mysterious (and sure to be creepy) man who gives Sandler the amazing device. Hey, who knows. It could be a great film. Or it could be a formula high concept picture where the guy will learn some valuable lessons and possibly even fall in love."

i wrote this movie....in a short, one year ago.
except it was music themed rather than tv. and Huey lewis was my creepy guy with advice.

fuck this.

2.21.2005

RIP hunter s. thompson



apparently, but not shockingly, hunter s. thompson shot himself in the head on sunday (today sorta). I dont know how he put off suicide this long.

gonzotee


i think ill go to sleep peacefully tonight, and not watch Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

2.11.2005

It truly is...



HISTORYwriten with lightning copy

i think ive been on this road, somewhere in a dream.

2.07.2005

a picture is worth atleast 150 words



mcchickenNuggets

gluttony mixed with sloth, after today, is what i am going to go ahead and label as pure evil. and hell on the digestive system.
Once a year i have to remind myself of why i wake up and try, rather than just sit and eat.
The superbowl has become a celebration of excess to me.
Now, I cant help but think of how many people are starving around austin...and ive got 3 chicken nuggets sitting in a box.
i am ashamed.

2.01.2005

friendship gives my life meaning, i think



ranch

the lost boys....and girls....

1.30.2005

human condition



Thought i would put something here that rivals philosophy in unusefulness...but pleasing.

"Now it is fog, I walk
Contained within my coat:
No castle more cut off
By reason of its own moat:
Only the sentry’s cough,
The mercenaries’ talk.

The street lamps, visible,
Drop no light on the ground.
But press beams painfully
In a yard of fog around.
I am condemned to be
An individual.

In the established border
There balances a mere
Pinpoint of consciousness.
I stay, or start from, here:
no fog makes more or less
The neighbouring disorder.

Particular, I must
Find out the limitation
Of mind and universe,
To pick thought and sensation
And turn to my own use
Disordered hate or lust.

I seek, to break, my span.
I am my own touchstone.
This is a test more hard
Than any ever known.
And thus I keep my guard
On that which makes me man.

Much is unknowable.
No problem shall be faced
Until the problem is;
I, born to waste,
Walk through hypothesis,
An individual."
-Thom Gunn


1.20.2005

im taking a philosophy class



The idea of God must be innate in me, like the mark of a craftsman stamped on his work.

I may have a brief hiautus from this site, in order to concentrate on a philisophical journal, which i prolly wont have online.
But it prolly won't last.

1.01.2005

what a friggin loolee



what a fantastic year for film this has been. Not only for the industry but for me personally. I got to write like 3 shorts, produce a few things....and learned to edit a lot. I'm all smiles on this subject. The sad side to this is that im fucking growing up and i hate it right now......eventually i wont, but right now....fuck you aging.

ok ill do a list.

My most liked films of 2004:

SPIDERMAN 2, this is hands down the best movie of the year.
I <3 HUCKABEES, this is hands down the best movie of the year, for me specifically.
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND, best concept of the year.
ANCHORMAN, this burrito is delicious, but it is filling.
THE INCREDIBLES, which should be my first pixar dvd purchase.
SAW, for being ridiculous.......ly awesome.
CLUB DREAD, i didn't forget about you, while others slept.
GARDEN STATE, for being something i should have made. braff, you dick.
NAPOLEON DYNAMITE, for being so cult and indy, and stealing delicious from me.
COLLATERAL, for being the most beautiful HD film ever.
SHAUN OF THE DEAD, it took me awhile to realize how much i liked this one.


movies i assume i will like, but have yet to see: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Finding Neverland, Hero, the dreamers, the aviator, before sunset

movies that i didn't like and haven't already blocked out of my mind completely: Kinsey, Alexander, National Treasure...maybe i just fucking hate history.

movies i wanted to be better, but weren't: the passion of the christ, sideways, hellboy, ocean's twelve

but who i am to rate things.