the most dangerous thought

im in a weird phase of thinking about existence....probably too much since im writing about it (solely) here.
do you ever contemplate the entire universe and everything that can possibly exist in its entiriety and think whats beyond that?
the obvious explanation, for me, being a believer in christ/god....is that god and heaven are beyond 'it.'
but then ofcourse comes the follow up question of "what is gods' origin?"
and that question, sometimes when i first begin to think about it...can make my brain feel like its going to explode for about 3-5seconds. Somtimes i can get kind of shakey and light headed.....even teary. Its a frightening thought.
but it always goes away within that time frame....and no matter how much i try to maintain or bring back that intense 3-5 seconds....i cant
its as if im not supposed to think it.....
ive talked to many people about this over the years....and ive only found a couple of people who seem to know the feeling.

existence is weird....
im only humoring the idea on this blog thing is because i haven't had this thought in a very long time...and the other day i actually had that intense feeling and then it happened again this morning in the shower....

after i get that intense feeling and am left with a very sullen state of mind....i always, and always have in the past, come to the conclusion that i am a simple being, under god....
and as a human i can not comprehend god completely and never will be able to.....and my only option is to have faith in that and him.

its all this that supports my faith in God and christ....and allows me to indoctrinate myself in the word of god.
all other atheists/agnostics/scientific theories just dont do it for me.....this is my personal theist theory i guess.

but i dont really think agnostics have theories....i think they just dont care......


does anyone know what im talking about?
im thinking its possible...but unlikely