i want more

and who doesn't?
Whether your a stock broker on walstreet, a fat man with a phonebook of delivery services, or a green peace officer saving the world, one closed animal testing facility at a time.

you want more. you need more. but your not getting enough. Nothing is ever enough. Give a man a million dollars and he will find a way to make a million more....or buy a million dollars worth of fried chicken until the money's gone, and he is left unsatiated.

I'm expecting more in 007, but I don't think it will happen...but it's all about working toward imaginary goals. Whether I fancy myself finding a way to make a lot more money doing what im doing in texas, finding my way into a graduate program, or moving to LA or New York...it's all imaginary. Fuck, Tomorrow is imaginary. Working for a personal idea of a good life. Makes me wish I was much more religious...seems like it would be a tiny bit easier to perscribe.

Don't sin....do whatever else....do what you think Jesus would do....read the good word...attend church. Seems easier to attain happiness....if one could be content doing that. I'd like to think that's why we get old...to eventually come to a simple happiness...a childlike wonderment with the end of life...similar to the beginning. But not everyone gets old. How frenetic and unfair life seems in certain frames of mind. But I choose the frame.

I don't know enough philosophy to be writing like this. I should fill your minds with my personal life updates and opinions on more palpable subjects....or maybe the original topic.

What the fuck should I do with my life?
Is the answer that I'm already doing it? And to just keep moving forward and drop the stress element, knowing that I will never transition into some unachievable stable life. There's plenty of examples in people I grew up with, now with a lot of scratch, who are bored, and are finding more solace in alcohol than even me.
I know that's what I should do...but stress is the enemy....nor a friend of me....and will always be something I refer to as earthly....in order to affirm my idea that in death there is no stress.....whether there is a heaven or a birth into nothingness....atleast both provide a lack of stress....i pray.

Tonsils expanding their range...puss visiting the lip...knee in need of a bed and rest....hair falling from the corners of my head....black circles buying property under my eyes....we all press on......mark my grace.

i believe in magic.