fear

It seems so cliche, but fear of other people in the world rules a lot of my daily life. (Albeit less and less through the years.) It's not that it has prevented me from leaving my house and making the best of what is laid before me, but in rapid advancement of my well being or happiness it has been a worthy adversary.

As debt expands with my needs as I get older, it's harder to look at life as a dream, and more like what the powers that be have dubbed it: A race. So it's time to face the fears....not unlike Batman.

Claiming to not care what others think is one of a few clues that tip me off that people are in some state of denial, or don't exist on the same plane as me. If you don't fear what people think, you are most likely a significantly larger asshole than I could ever be. Fear of people keeps food in my mouth, booze in my gut, and a shower to wash it all out. It keeps me from raping women, and stealing from morgues, and telling my grandmother I wouldn't mind being a part of an abortion before I die.
Someone without fear can't be reasoned with, and often is the death of the party.

But maybe what people more colloquially mean, is that they don't let fear run their lives. And they overcome their fears everyday, and have gotten good at it. But it's hard to discern between the true fear fighters and those in denial who simply have taken so little responsibility in their lives, their confidence is robust with a decisionlessness...if that's a word.

It's why women sometimes find themselves attracted to utter losers isn't it? There is strength in a lack of stress. Stress literally drives people mad and to death. Lack of it can only lead to the opposite if derived from fears. Confidence needs no budget.

Confidence and comfort can lead to a life lived too long. But thank god. Who wants stressed and curmudgeony old fucks.

It's why STDs are found all over old folks homes. Those people are so happy they want to fuck an 80 year old. It's gross. But I'm rambling.

Truth is...I'm sick of worrying about what you think. I have something inside me that is worth being said. I don't have many skills, but with the few I have, it's time to sharpen their tips, and stop worrying about the giant whetstone that might bash me over the head.

Maybe only half the world is a critic in reality. Half seems more manageable than all the world.


So fuck that half, I'm looking at you in the eyes...ready for that blinking contest. All of you.