as soon as

i think im growing up, i make one of the most irresponisible moves ive ever made. sadly...drinking too much and missing work is something worth noting, if im making a list...due to my life being about as interesting as a toothpick.
Missing work. I never do that. i never miss anything that ive given a commitment to.
perhaps my commitment to alcohol is much stronger than ive assumed, and my commitment to waiting tables is....vice versa.
id be lying if i said that 40% of my family doesn't suffer from some degree of alcoholism.
i hope i get fired. i hope that i would search for a more meaningful job that i could commit to while still keeping my commitment to school. Maybe i could commit to aligning my life up for post-graduation...like so many already have. Those people with those degrees that get you somewhere....
This fool that chose this path nearly 4 years ago, doesn't feel so optimistic. But i will hold on to that sharp sliver of hope...despite how much my brain tells me to let go.
My parents are becoming those parents again. The ones that want to know my next move. The ones that bring up the future rather than the past. Ive had these before. There return is welcome. I enjoy the pressure.
My Dad said this past weekend...."everything will just work out for you. its weird how it just happens"
I dont know if i would purchase that statement, even if it were 50 percent off. But perhaps he is right. i am a whitestraightmale...all roadways should be pretty clear.
One day my dad will die. And i will have to deal with that.

...or maybe i could commit some time to God, and less to trying to break down God and reality into human-sized edible pieces.
or maybe i could commit to getting some sleep.


*if you want to watch a movie that makes you care about the characters. and then kills them off. And then turns the tables and feels like it is watching you......go see Shawn Of the Dead....one of the best small depression enducing, ridiculous comedies ive ever seen. think like...If The Green Mile had Ernest in it.